I can't even BEGIN to explain the horrible things that have happened to me. And it's supposed to be a new Year ? I honestly thought well I'm not not going to make it! Everything Just fell right in front of my face and I can't cope I've never been able to cope with my feelings . It either resorted to cutting or Just plain anger. I guess that's where I get my issues from my mechanisms to calm my anger down have actually gotten weirder. Usually I would cry and clench my fists to prevent punching or screaming my lungs out. And If I was sad I would cry , cut, sit there and wonder .. Now it's as if it all amuses me. Something bad happens to me in a situation where I get angry and I end up laughing uncontrollably, and I've found myself squeezing whatever was placed in my hand at the moment. And I don't realize I'm doing it until I hear someone ask if I'm okay. And now if I get sad I go to sleep. Or try to get myself angry so I can laugh it off. I don't really like talking to anyone cause they don't understand , or act like they do . And they never help /: I can understand why I get the way I am now . I Just don't understand why things always have to be so unfair when it comes to me. I know life isn't fair, and it only gets worse with hardly any good moments . But no matter how hard I try to be happy or make things work, or keep myself together, no matter how many times I get back up after falling its like it never matters in the end. It's like I'm Just hopeless . I wish I had no emotions