Hello … I’m not sure how all this works, so here’s hoping this makes sense.

I am a long-time over-thinker, a habitual negative-self-talker, and a procrastinating-perfectionist. I’ve spent some time recently working to be a little bit better about they way that I’m thinking, trying to find things that I’m grateful for or to just stop negative spirals in their tracks by telling myself “hey, it will be OK.” This has been a process that I’ve undertaken on my own, and I can say that it’s been nice to be so focused on myself for a while, but I’m also worried that I’ll hit a certain point and just sort of stall out.

I don’t really feel like I can reach out to my family, and I’ve spent so much of my life alone that I don’t really have any close friends to call on either. My days are mostly a closed loop that is wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed. I interact with my co-workers and boss and then am required to join family time on the weekend. It feels like I’ve been caught in some current and can’t pull myself out. And that’s what I want, to pull myself out.

I’d like to feel like I’m in control of my life. As it stands I always look upon change or opportunity and my first response is to be scared, because it isn’t part of the routine. But then I’ll regret not having taken that opportunity later and I just don’t know how to combat that knee-jerk reaction to shy away from things that I’m not confident of.

An annoyingly logical part of me knows that this isn’t something that I’m alone in, that there are many people who feel this way. I also know that the common advice is to simply try, not worry what others think, and accept the outcome. But knowing and doing are two completely different things. What I would love more than anything else, is to have some sort of idea that things will work out.