i want to feel nothing but i do not like to feel empty but it feels beater then feeling every thing i wish i was not broken so then i could know how some of the people i this world feel i just want to smile and not have to fake it i just want to be happy but i do not think that will happen cuz i can’t be fix people try to fix me then they give up just like they give up on ever thing i mean it’s ok i even give up on myself when i was 8 so i know no one can help me not even myself. i just want to cry and not have to worry if i’m going to get yelled at. i do not want to have to overthink everything. i just want to get through one day without thinking that no one would miss me if i was to die even though no one would care i did die. i feel so lost and empty and numb or i feel everything and i hate it i just want to be ok and not broken. i’m just so fucked up.
I feel you. I see you. I was there emotionally just a week ago (I tend to oscillate between states when I’m having an episode). I wish I could say something to make it better but I know, I know its not that simple, not that easy. I know that feeling you are describing. You are not alone. It will pass, but it hurts so much while you’re waiting for things to get better.