Where to begin? Do I begin in the darkness or in the light?
To decide based on time served would lead me to the darkness. To begin in the light would be to honor my current, more luxurious state of being.
I’ll get to both in due time.
I choose to honor my life-up-to-now by fully appreciating, consciously acknowledging the miracle of days now spent with a capability of simply living unencumbered by constant malaise– an oversimplification if there ever was one, but we all know language exists a world apart from feelings.
the way we “feel” doesn’t necessarily come with corresponding “words” so we do our best to describe but we know that words might as well be liquid taking the shape of it’s container.
IF ONLY words had the power we want them to! If only we could keep words that hurt from hurting and make words meant to help actually help and not fall flat, wasted on us even though the intent was noble and heartfelt and honest. It matters not. A soul filled up with sadness has no room for anything else. No matter how hard or soft or gently or forcefully you try and try and try.
The disappointment and isolation take such a toll. Exact such a price. It’s a wonder, honestly, when you stop and think about it, that the human condition can withstand year upon year of insatiable yearning for an end to a suffering that has no beginning and no end and no source and no suggestions