I'm tired – really tired. It's not that late for me, just 23:20 (UT) but I'm getting ready for bed.
I've been pushing myself a bit recently and have got myself into the too-tired-to-sleep pattern that I sometimes get into. When I say pushing myself, I've hardly been training for a marathon. I had an early hospital appointment on Monday, I cycled to a friend's flat yesterday (about 5 miles there and back) and I cooked a quiche and deep-cleaned my deep-fat fryer (a 5% solution of NaOH works a treat but buggers your hands up a bit) today. However that has been quite enough to make me exausted. That's chronic fatigue for you: I'm lucky I have it only at a mild level and am able to have a little bit of a life.
Usually, when I feel this tired, the door is wide open to depression and craving alcohol. I even have the money for a small alcoholic binge at the moment, but I just don't feel like it. I'm not even depressed. Perhaps it's because I have achieved something today and had a good experience with a local supplier of industrial cleaning products – they delieverd to my door, same day, no charge and took a cheque.
I say the serenity prayer every night and usually try to mean it. Perhaps I am enjoying a period of serenity. Whatever it is, I'll settle for it. For those of you who aren't familiar with the serenity prayer it goes like this:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change – courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the diference.
It is said by alcoholics and I presume also by other practitioners of 12-step programs, as a group at the end of a meeting and individually whenever the need arises. It's a good Prayer and the power of Prayer has been demonstrated in a double-blind test (no, really).
Goodnight and may your God go with you,