I’m 28 years old and ive suffered from depression most of my life, I used to be on medication years ago but it didn’t help and I was sick of the side effects so I came off. Sometimes I think I have things under control and that maybe I will be ok but that feeling is so rare, lately even more so. I sometimes cut myself or hit myself and for a minute or two things just fade and everything is ok, I hate doing that and I try and stop myself. Sometimes people notice the marks on my arms but I get away with it cos I tell them i’m clumsy. I also love getting tattoos because I love body art but also because I get to feel the pain and nobody can say anything. I’m so messed up, every night before I fall asleep I wonder if it would really be so bad if I didn’t wake up and when I do wake up a little bit of me is dissapointed and I have to convince myself to get out of bed. Things just never seem to let up, I always seem to be fighting life and i’m so tired of doing that, I just don’t know how much fight I have left and that thought scares me so much because I don’t know what to do if I start to give up. I have no one to turn to, my family can’t handle my depression so they pretend it doesn’t exist, my friends are the same and i’ve lost two relationships because they couldn’t cope with how bad things got. Sometimes it literally feels like the world around me is pushing in on me and I find it hard to breathe or concentrate, when that happens I just shut down, I can’t talk to anyone because I can’t concentrate on the conversation, so I just walk away from whatever i’m doing. I don’t know what to do, i’m trying so hard to keep going everyday but I really don’t know how much longer I can do that