Music…uh huh….yes….it calms me at times…

So this is how it has been going…Work has been very productive…I have to update a little more often so as to not have the huge gaps .  It was somewhat of a surprise to me just how comfortable I am in the healthcare industry.  After taking the time to want to make a small difference and let "me" not be the main focus of everything I found some peace..Its not difficult to see why.  Being back in college has been wonderful too.  When I finished my training for the HHA position I had the opportunity to also become a certified hospice aid. With over 50% of my clients now being hospice it is simply such an amazing part of my world…I can not for minute explain it.  The calming slice of serenity…not too mention the families that I meet and sit and talk with…caregiving for the caregiver…:)  Could that be anymore prolific? I did manage to pull a B+ on my first Exam in Sociology that was sweet!!!!  Now I am i the throughs or World Religions, english and criminal justice!    I will scatter all over with this past week and its the easiewst…My friend dennis a long time recovering alcoholic who was still out and suffering but al;ways had the desire to stop was beaten the other night…his neck was badly damamged and he was left to basically die.  911 was called and he is in Upstate Hosp in Syr and will be moved to an long term facility where he will live out his days in a coma that he is expected t never egain conscience from.  Yes,,that is what the disease does to us…sits waites kicks us while we are least expecting it…a little fight all over a bottle of vodka and a split second descision….yeah thats not how I would like it to work….I remember listening to Dennis as he introduced himself…"HI MY NAME IS DENNIS AND IM AN ALCOHOLIC AND I LOVE ALCOHOL"  there was no shortage of honesty there, spoken like a true addict…So many said not to help him….talk to him….but ya know…I know that he had time once…many years….his affliction was not just the alcohol but he had some mental illness too and other medical issures…he ALSO HAD THE  DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING! I am not sure what clicked, but after meeting him the first time I decided that i would never turn my back on another addict…And I have not…DO not get me wrong…I say that not as a pushover but as someone who hopes that if I ever end up back out there that someone would have the same compassion.

On the side of my love/relationship/friendship/battleship part of my life….it is just as dysfunctional as the height of my useage…with exception of my not actually picking up.  However all the pieces are there.. just like bottles and lines….uh huh…what to do what to do….If I pick up I am really no different…the funny thing is I know this…but I SO WANT TOO….I am sure though one night would not be enough…it never has been…and yeah Ive been there…true to form…quit time after time…only to pick right up where I left off…


I venture to think that my sleep being at an all time low is a problem..bundled with my oldest son  having some middle school problems…SO I have been picking him up at berns and then bringing him to school..I am hoping that will help for the interim til we can get the bully/bus situation resolved. 




1 Comment
  1. michaelcali 12 years ago


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