My Parents are strict and i´m not allowed to have a Boyfriend or to even talk to Boys. They´re also at work a lot and we are not even a real family. When my parents leave the house we´re still asleep and when they come back we pretend to be. My father is aggressive and when he´s in a bad mood we all have to suffer from it. When I was thirteen i would always wear mom jeans and hide my body because i hated myself so much but then there was this boy who really liked me. We fell in love and started dating. After a few months he cheated on me and I started doing drugs and blamed it on myself because we couldn´t see each other as much since i kept it a secret in front of my family. My sister also started drinking a lot. She was drunk all the time and when she was drunk she´d always try to kill or hurt herself and i was completely alone with it. I couldn´t tell my parents because i felt like they´d hurt her. My best friend didn´t wanted me in a relationship with this boy and started talking shit about me (even when i was standing next to her). She also pushed me and told teachers that I hit her even though that wasnt true. When I was at home I was always afraid of my Dad coming home, When I was at school I got bullied so I always went to my boyfriend and skipped school. The boy i was dating wanted to have sex with me and even though i told him that i don´t want to we had sex. I was still thirteen at that time. He cheated on me over and over but I wasn´t strong enough to leave him since he was my safe place. Also when I tried to leave him he said that he would tell my parents that we´re dating. I loved him so much and we dated for a year and seven months. Of course my dad found out about me doing drugs and having a boyfriend and took away my phone. If my dad found out that I wasn´t a virgin he would´ve killed me and i texted a friend about it so my mom, my sister and me knew that he would know if he´d go through my phone. When I told my mom she just said  ,,How is it possible to be such a slut? You deserve to be beat up by him.” We tried to delete that from my phone before he would see it. He was at work and my phone was in his car so my mom took me and my sister and we tried to break into his car but it didn´t work. On our way to his car my mom screamed at me that i´m ruining the whole family while my sister cried and begged my mom to go to the police because he´d kill me. My mom only said ,,she deserves it”. In this night, my mom gave my dad so much alcohol that he´d sleep deep enough for her to go into his car and delete the things from my phone. He never found out we did this. And he never found out that i´m not a virgin. He ignored me for a month and i wasn´t allowed to go outside unless its for school. My sister and my mom wanted to send me to a church boarding school but my dad didn´t wanted me to go there. A few months later my mom told me that she´d get divorced so i called him and asked what happened since my mom didn´t wanted to tell me. He cheated on her with a 20 year old. To be honest I was happy because i thought that things would change but they got back together and even though he said that he would change he didn´t. A few months later the boy i was dating and i met up at his house. I noticed that something was wrong and he told me that he kissed a girl at a party. This girl was a friend of me and the biggest slut you can find. She´s always on drugs, had sex with about 40 guys at age 14 and theres even a video of her getting fucked on pornhub. I told him that I have to think about what happened and need a little time. When I texted him if i could come over to talk that out he blocked me. I saw a picture of them in her snap story and they started dating a day later. I was so broken at this point. I stopped eating and lost 6 kilogram in 4 days. I was always high and not able to start crying. I´m still not over it and its hard for me because everyone left me and i felt like everyone was better off without me.

 

2 Comments
  1. lecourage 11 months ago

    Dear exochxi, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that you have parents you cannot talk to without them calling down. I am an adult now, but was brought up in a home where my sisters and o were not allowed to date until 18. I, like you lied about it but, there was no violence and no drinking in my home so I feel such immense sorrow for you. I did soft drugs at the time weed and drank and married someone 7 years older. I lied about his age as well. It’s all bad not to have parents you can’t talk to. I wish I could have. He was emotionally abusive. I think your next best thing besides a parent is a counselor if you feel up to it, someone, you feel ok talking to. You don’t need to open up to all at once. You can see if you think they are the right one for you, like an interview. I wish you all the luck in the world. You seem like a smart girl and you know your parents are toxic. I think you can do this. Good luck hon. Helen

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