Sometimes, I think about my ex when I'm driving across town and there are silent moments.  I don't want to be with him.  It's just like moments where I wonder what he did for Halloween, whether he worked, what he dressed up as. Whether, his mom gave out treats.  Everytime someone mentions his name, I say please don't mention it, it's upsetting me. I have to change the channel on the radio when they mention his work place and I can't even watch shows that I was ok with just weeks ago.  I want to know whether he went to his favourite restaurant (I never go there because it is).  Whether, he's been to the chinese place where we went to. It's the first time I was back tonight since we broke up.  When I listen to Hinder Lips of an Angel, I get upset.  I remember bawling one day a long time ago and thinking he didn't want to hang out with me due to my SA and depression. This was the song playing on the radio that day. I want to torture myself slowly and bought the CD because of this.  I'm really glad that I did though since I enjoy the CD and switch it when that song comes on.   

I think the real reason that I am writing this is that I miss being held while in bed.  I've been going out the past couple of nights to the club and I just wish that I could bring someone home and they could just hold me and hug me.  It is all that I think about.  When I come home by myself, I just wish that someone will be able to love me for me and want to be close to me in a manner that I miss.  Right, before I go to bed, I think God, I'm going to bed alone and I hope to be going to bed with someone else and cuddling up to them really soon. Kissing them and them touching my body.  I crave and miss touch.  Some guy at the bar the other day slowly walked by and put his arm on the left side of my waist and glided his hand slowly and gently across my back. You have no  idea how wonderful this felt.  

I've recently been talking to a guy too, who I really think could be a really good match for me.  I'm highly attracted to him.  I will not be meeting him until next month, but I am very excited about the prospect of meeting him.