So its like my second week on Prozac. I hate stopping taking meds..and then going back on. The process makes me feel like a CRAZY WOMAN! Its like…when I am off..i feel my normal energy again..but then i am so sad and suicidal that its like…wtf!!! why is this happening? I cant be me anymore THE REAL ME? WITHOUT SOME F*CKING PILLS!?! I cry..and think about jumping off something high..or drowning in my favorite river..or slitting my wrists..all things i wouldnt ever do! BUT DAMNIT! I THINK THEM.AND IT FREAKS ME OUT! LIKE I CANT CONTROL IT! WTF! UGH! So then i get so scared i go to my shrink…i go get on more meds…change meds..get back on em..then deal with the side effects..and get the crazy wanna bang my head on the wall feeling. It feels like when you see crazy people in a straight jacket…who are whipping their heads around violently..not trying to get out..but just going insane inside of the jacket..you look at them like WHOA WTF IS WRONG! But damnit..thats how it feels in my head. Like Im in a straight jacket..and I can’t get out. There. I’ve identified the feeling. Now does anyone else know it? Doubtful. All i could describe it before was feeling crazy. God If i told people i felt like i was in one..they would probably put MY BODY in one. and check my ass into an institution. That cant happen!!!!!!! Im too ‘normal’. Ima F*cking normal girl with her head in a straight jacket.
Then here i sit at work. To go home or stay? “Jamie whats wrong?” “Stomache ache?. Headache? Do you have a migraine?” noooooooo!!!!! i dont have any of that.. i feel like im in a straight jacket! and want to bang my head on the wall!!!!!!!!!! how do you tell your boss that? Well…yah dont. you suck it up..and silently suffer right? ugh. Or go home. go home sick. I just want to close my eyes and sleep. Sleeping is much more peaceful then dealing with this bs. ugh. :dizzy: How do i deal?