Today is a very fucked up day for me.. things have been going wayward for about 3 months now, ever since my exboyfriend got out of prison. the drama, and hurt that is being caused by this is starting to wear me down to a point that all i can say is that he and is new found friend in the program have tried taking everything from me even my clean date… and ill be dam if i let them have it… i so badly want to use, and i believe the only reason why i am not is because THEY want it so fucking bad!!!! Ive tried contacting my ex, and he wont respond, just to let him know that this has to stop, let me be, let me live. its painful, and i know this will pass, but how long does it take… i keep praying for them, and do my best to let this shit go, but every fucking time i let it go, they manage to fuck with me where im not looking. one of the people i hung out with for awhile until i seen her NON program… who am i to judge but im glad that i did the sickness is strong in her.. to the point that her and my ex decided to go to my home group which isnt even in town… they called the sec. to find out where it was exactly, thank God i had decided not to go, even thought about it. the sec. knows whats really going on and informed them that the meeting has been closed until summer and it hadnt until at that moment when they called… im grateful for the ones who have my back… but for a meeting to be cancelled until summer because of all the bs that 3 people are causing isnt fair to the addicts that really need this meeting… why do they want me to die so bad? why do they want to cause harm to others when its me who they are after? My sponsor says dont let them get to me…. my true friends say dont worry so much about it… just pray… this will pass…. when? when i use? i walk out my door, it gets worse, i stay home and its even stronger… they believe they DONT have me…. and they do…

3 Comments
  1. oglecsjrny 13 years ago

    I can not tell you when it willpass..I can tellyou it WILL NOT passif you use. Why they want to do harm to you or others is kindofsimple for me…Misery loves company…pray, hang with your support group,talk to sponsor, and maybe work a 1st and 4th step about it.1st step about powerlessness over ex…4th step looking to see if you have some part in whatis going on..if you do take steps to change it if not then pray for the acceptance to let them go through their process and remember …JUST FOR TODAY U DO NOT HAVE TO USE OVER IT…it is about a simple but sometime hard choice the all important 1st hit the one that will always kill us if we take it…God Bless

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  2. Alice 13 years ago

    sorry,… I am no help………but I feel for ya & you are loved

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  3. Alice 13 years ago

    sorry,… I am no help………but I feel for ya & you are loved

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