I'm really so embarrassed to share what I'm going through, cause I brought it all on myself and there's no point crying over it. I'm afraid you guys will think I'm crazy, stupid or just plain pathetic….Its pretty much what I think of me. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with major depression, with suicidal tendencies and borderline personality disorder, I still don't understand what the heck that means (borderline personality disorder) And more recently PTSD. I was a homeless drug addict for more than 10 years. I came home to my family 4 years ago, needless to say it was a hard transition. My kids are understandably messed up. They had a fairly good life. They've always lived with my parents. They just didn't have me so they have lots of issues. After being on the street for so long I'm doing my best to be a good mom and good house keeper….I was so overwhelmed. I don't want to say my boys are bad but they are so troubled. They are so angry and they have terrible fights and my younger one breaks things, and steals from all of us and says the most horrible things to us. But hes also the nicest kid you ever want to meet. He just loses control. I had to take him to court yesterday and have declared an undisciplined minor so now hes on like baby probation. There is so much going on in my head. I am tortured by flash backs….I just lost it a few months ago…Well in my head. I'm still going on with my everyday life. My mom didn't even know…I stopped taking my meds. I'm so embarrassed. I mean WHO DOES THAT!? Its been like 3 months and for the past month Ive been trying to get back on something…the clinic I go to got a new lab and they lost or screwed up my blood work twice. I'm going back mon. for the 3rd time. I'm terrified to talk to the doctor. but I'm ready. I just didn't care about anything for a min. Now I feel so dumb. I mean I feel better emotionally but physically….Im so so tired. Ive made a conscious decision to live. I just cant believe I let myself get so messed up. Can anyone relate or am I the only idiot who just stopped taking their meds for no good reason?

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