im like sitting here in tears because im so anxious about something thats not going to happen. like almost bawling. i think im more crying about the fact that im so anxious even though logically i know theres no reason to be.

so. my gramma has dental surgery tomorrow. which would be fine if the roads here werent going to be frozen over. she decided to take a taxi to and from her surgery. well. see. we live in texas. it never snows or ices over. so people arent really accustomed to driving in bad weather which puts them at a higher risk for accidents when it does freeze over. so who knows if this taxi driver knows how to drive well on ice?

i just keep being afraid that something bad will happen. and if it does i have no clue what i'd do. my grammas other daughter lives across the country. my mom is a loser drug addict who would be no help at all in a bad situation. and my grandpa is an invalid who cant use the right side of his body. if something bad happened i would be responsible for him until my aunt could get here. FUCK I HATE THIS. does anyone else do this? come up with elaborate scenarios of what could go wrong? i feel so crazy when i do this. and i know its because of my anxiety but that still doesnt stop me from letting thoughts like that really mess with my head.

im all torn up over something that hasnt even happened.

and i probably should eat something because all ive had today is an energy drink but i cant make myself because my stomach is in knots and i know if i did make myself eat i would just purge it up right after so whats the point.

jesus christ im a fuckjob right now.

1 Comment
  1. chelck 14 years ago

    Yes! I create ridiculous scenarios about the dumbest situations.  If I get called into the office at work, I have thoughts that I'm getting fired for a million different reasons. Then, my stomach turns and I start having my panic attacks. Or, if my boyfriend calls while I'm at work, I'll start thinking of emergencies that he could be calling for.  I hate it.  I always do it though.

    However, your fear is rather valid.  I'm not sure of what advice to give you, as I'd probably be sitting there bawling my eyes out, having a panic attack too.  But I guess I'm writing to let you know you're not alone.

    I'm not much help. I'm sorry. =[


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