Is it me?
I’ve found that question looming over my subconscious for the past few years now. Let me bring you up to par. As a lesbian, it’s not all peaches and cream. Aka. “Lesbian bed death.”
I’ve been married to my wife for 3 years. We’ve been dating for eight yrs before hand. I absolutely love her with all my heart. But the past 2 years have been.. hell. Both me and my wife work full time jobs, so often we see eachother for dinner if that and then it’s off to bed. I get it. We’re both exhausted and can certainly get into routines. On days off. We spend most of our time together, having a blast. Whether we watch movies at home or go for a hike with our dog, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. It’s not during the day that’s the problem. It’s at night. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, I cannot get my wife to have sex with me.. We’ve never had problems before. It started out with simple “Babe I’m tired.” And has since morphed into just a look and a firm no. It’s been nearly 2 years since we’ve had sex and frankly, I’ve tried everything. From trying to seduce her, to being overly romantic, to even cleaning the house for weeks. The past few months, I’ve been going to the gym every day in hopes that maybe I can woo her a different way. I’m not in any way chubby however I can learn to get in shape more. I know she likes muscles on girls.. She’s stopped wanting to even kiss me often and I have nowhere else to turn too.
I’ve comfronted her about this a few times.. and I’m afraid it puts her on the defensive real quick. She tells me she lost her drive and isn’t feeling the need for it. And then she cried.. and I gave up for that day.
Months pass, and I brought it up again. She told me she wasn’t feeling it anymore and was just happy with what we had… and if I wasn’t, to leave. I cried. Months have passed. I try to forget that conversation ever happened.
I don’t want to leave her, she’s my happy ending.. so why, do I feel so emotional about this? I have a high libido and a lonely feeling inside. I’m having dreams of sex with strangers and that frightens me. I imagine cheating on her… and then guilt runs through me. I would never, but the thoughts are there. I enjoy every moment with her, except at night. Maybe someone here can shed some light on the situation.