I just got home from another long dayat work and my husband begins to tell me how he took the kids on an outing and what an funadventure they had. I had asked him to wait for my day off to go on a fun excursion with the kids since this is their last week being home for the summer. But he can never do that and make me feel like shit for having to work. I am the soule provide for this family at this point. I work 3… that's right 3 jobs to keep this family afloat and am always made to feel guilty when I'm to tired to want to go anywhere on the spur of the moment. At this point in time I have to plan things ahead of time because I do have to work so much. I feel like a shitty parent for being so damn tired and miserable all the time. I try to be happy and energetic and feel like I want to go on all these great adventures, and I do. But the truth of the matter is that most of the time I am to exhausted physically and mentally to want to go anywhere most of the time.Any time I need to do anything for myself I get the same guilt trips. I was due to see the doctors to get and upper and lower g.i. done (I know too much info) cause I was having so many stomach problems that i didn't get to do it cause it conflicted with what needed to be done with the house and kids. I left an appointment after becoming so frustratedbecause the doctor was 3 hours late. I was the next person in line but after talking to my husband and me being next for an hour and not knowing when i would be called I just left. I was so upset and wished I hadn't left. That's what happens when u have shitty insurance. It's like no matter what I do nothing ever goes my way. I feel like I'm a good person but maybe I've done to many bad things in my life and now I'm paying the price. I've only done things that to me aren't that bad but were due to me having a rough childhood and just suffering with what i think was early stages of mental illness. I just want to be happy. I don't think that's to much to ask. Is it??……….


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