That pitted feeling once again returns. Never far from me, I always wish to escape it. Thoughts come and go and I wonder if I should just embrace the feeling that seems to surround me. Without many different thoughts, feeling and behaviours would I be the person some enjoy? Would it matter? Too many thoughts I tell you. Too many questions as to what my inner mind really is. Sick? Genius? Normal? Morbid? I should think it to be all of the above. Could you stand to live in my mind. Would it suffocate you. Would it just push you out like a splinter under the skin. Or would you run in fear. There are days I feel I should wear a black vail. For many reason really. To keep my obvious emotions in. To keep my eyes from telling secrets. To further warn people that I am a poison, a blacked depth of pictures of the true being that is life. Raw and unedited. I am not of the martyr type so why should I care if you get a glimpse of thing you should never have to know? There in itself lies the constant struggle. As dark of an abyss as I am, I still have a bright red heart of love. The oddest thing I know. At times I let it known. More now that before. I have a deep love I am sure most people are unable to feel. In letting others feel this am I only setting them up for the ache I endure. Will you think me your angel or saviour when you get a taste of the pain, hate, and death of love I know all to well?
Inside of me is an epic battle beyond all battles as to which will win in the end.