I've been thinking about the situation I'm in, and what my X- partner and friends have been saying about me, and what my councelor said about not letting them win by rebuilding my life, and it has occured to me that I already realize the battle was won in that statement, that they have won and I have lost in that they have everything I've worked for and he lives because I took good care of him. There's no power in taking my life back, or in rebulding my life as they already won and I am the 'loser' and my family too. There will be no justice, no one to come forward to say anything to help me, my life has beena huge lie, no one I new even cares enough to step up and say no Dianne took good care of all of you in your time of need, no one to defend my honor, therefore I have none. Every single aspect of humanity has, and continues to be stripped from me. I am changing, questioning, and wondering at what I;ve become, A woman with no honor, no dignity, nothing but humiliation, a begger of help , a sad, whiney,old broken down soul, that only lives to live in a fantasy world of continued justive, now knowing there will never be any. I will live for the struggle of survival, sounds wonderful doesn't it? A life of no trust, no dreams,there are only dreams of tears falling on my pillow, my soul burned and stinking from hate, I've fallen away from life, the world and any goodness of the world, or goodness of thought. They're murders, all of them, for I'm dead and don't know who I am anymore, or who I was, obviously a darker person than I thought as the blade was put in over and over again, all done with me smiling, so stupid, them lying all of us smiling. I just wishI had the guts to end this, this knife cutting me to shredds until I'm dead.