(28) I’m struggling and I feel lost. I’m not sure if I’m depressed, anxious, or panicking or maybe all of the above. Let me start by saying my family is not that bad, and I’m not sure if I’m over reacting by how I’m feeling? But I just feel overwhelmed.
Story: So my eldest sister (36) and her husband came to town because my mother needed help fixing our garage. We’re fixing it to make things better for my youngest sister (22) and her family who are living there. It’s been half a week and we’ve been helping my brother in law get things done, even though it can be difficult since he’s the only one with knowledge of construction but we’ve managed to help. Now my youngest brothers (twins 15) have been helping as well, and yesterday there was a huge argument. Apparently they were supposed to move wood and debris to a pile, but instead of moving things piece by piece they began throwing them into the pile. My two sisters began telling them to stop throwing and walk the pieces, since the air was making them scatter and not land where they were throwing. The twins got frustrated and stormed off, saying they could help instead of telling them what to do and just sitting there. My oldest sister went after them where she cursed them out for not continuing to help and abandoning her husband to do all the work. One twin then cursed her out, which surprised me, since he’s never talked like that to us. Now my sister is hurt, and asked me to take away their phones, I heard all this when I got home from work, but hearing them all cry, and how things happened, I know my sisters attitude and I get mad on how short tempered and aggressive they can be, but the way they talked back was too much so I did take their phones. I talked with my mom, when she got home, and now my sisters husband is mad because my mother didn’t speak with him today and wanted to leave, but I had spoken to my mom and she’s too embarrassed to face them since they’re here helping us, and the twins basically stormed off when they needed the help. Now I’m stuck…at first I told my sister I couldn’t punish the twins because she needed to speak with my mom, but I did after hearing both sides. But now I’m loosing it, feeling sorry and embarrassed for my sister and brother in law, who have been so helpful, but also understanding the frustration of two 15 year old boys who worked for 8+ hours today when they’re used to just going to school and not to being pushed so much like today. I’m crying thinking my mom will get sick from the stress like last time, or thinking my sister will hold today against the twins or vice versa and my family will be broken. What can I do other than cry into my pillow, I have heart palpitations and a headache. I just had a panic attack and I’m waking up every hour. I still have to go to work tomorrow. What can I do?
Hello there!
I don’t know you or your family so I am not sure if I should be making any judgments. So I will try not to take sides and try to help you out. First of all, I am sorry that you are feeling low and depressed and this incident seems to have affected you both emotionally and physically. We don’t get to choose our families, we are simply born into them. I ask myself sometimes why do I love my mother, father, and sister? Is it only because I share DNA with them? This is something that evades me and yet, even though we are all very different people (with some commonalities, DNA of course!) we love each other despite our many fights. I am sure everyone in your family is kind and respectful to one another and love each other. But there are often instances where we have differences of opinions and get upset with each other, tell each other hurtful things, that’s all a part of being family. Everyone has their own individuality and egos and hence, it can be difficult to understand or agree with someone else. I understand that your elder sister and your brother in law have come out to help, which is very kind of them. Hence, them getting upset over the way your brother/(s) behaved is understandable. While the way the twins acted was uncalled for, they’re only 15! there is only so much maturity we can expect from them. Every teen is a different kind of rebel so maybe your sister could understand that bit. It could be also that your brother who talked back could be going through something else. I get a feeling that maybe your mother is sorry and embarrassed and doesn’t want a confrontation and is not willing to talk to your brother-in-law. I understand he got upset too. I feel this is a situation where no one is wrong in totality, maybe everyone is tired and stressed. Maybe you can be the pacifier between everyone. Talk to your brothers and listen to them and if they’re still agitated try to pacify them by telling them while they were partially right (probably) they shouldn’t have had behaved like that, it’s not respectful and that they should apologize for their behavior. You should probably talk to your elder sister and try to explain they’re kids after all and maybe they need to be dealt with patiently. Maybe you should tell your mum the importance of conveying how thankful she is that your brother-in-law is helping. How else will he understand then? and maybe, in the end, everyone can sit down, have a chat, and speak their minds and resolve.
This might seem like a very idealistic solution and I don’t if I understood the whole scenario right, but I hope you feel better and things get resolved between everyone in your family.
Cheers!