Feb. 25

I’ve finally talked to my mom about service dogs. Yesterday (the 24th) I went in depth and told her all about the process with organizations and self training, how it works, how much time and money it could take, what a service dog could do for me. I’ve told her everything. She said she doesn’t exactly think it’s the best action to take but she will help me do what ever I want. I’m so thankful that she is supportive even though it overwhelms her. She’s willing to do anything to get something that works. I mentioned it briefly in my previous blog update.

However, today she said I don’t even care for the animals we have around here and she thinks it’d be big mistake to bring a service dog in. She misunderstands, I do care for our dogs and cats. I do more than she can on the days she is bed ridden due to illness. I just don’t bathe or clip their nails. I leave that to her because I worry of hurting them. She is better with it, after all her career was as a groomer. I’ve learned how but all of our animals are incredibly weird with bathing and nails. I also don’t mess much with the cats liter boxes but it’s not the lack of thought. It’s not carelessness and if something happened and I was the only one to take care of them I’d do it. I think about it constantly, I plan to take action and I’ll think on it for hours even but I literally cannot force myself to do it. I am that unmotivated and out of it. She knows I’m not well. I try so hard and I do these sometimes but its like taking a pain killer but being so exhausted and out of it that you can’t even bother getting up to go the bathroom, no matter how much you have to go. You just can’t, or when you do it takes everything in you to accomplish it. It all sounds like a flimsy excuse, I know, but it’s true.

I argued with her on it because this is different. She says to me “You always do this, you’ll say you will do it but you won’t.”

Right you are mom, but this is so different from anything we’ve ever done. This service dog isn’t just any other dog, the pup would give me no choice. I would have to take part in the intense training and this dog is here to help me with the depression and anxiety disorders. It would become my world. The pup will be motivating and physically be doing healing tasks. I’ll have no choice but to treat this dog like a king or queen because it needs to be in the best shape possible for us to work as a team. I can’t exactly explain the way I’d like to, I’m not sure how to express what I’m thinking.

This would be a game changer. I’m in a different place in my life, It may not be a well one but I’m not a little child begging for a puppy or kitten just because. I’m asking for help to find the perfect canine candidate so we can work together and I can improve my mental state and be able to actually live and experience life.

‘Together we are independent’ So I’ve read on organization home pages and peoples experiences with service dogs.

I kept pushing this stuff to my mom but she says

“You don’t need to sell me on it, I said we can do whatever.”

That’s great but I do want her on board, I want her to be sold on it. She says I’m blind to it and I get so stuck on an idea. I think she means that I forget about certain things that actually need t be done with caring for an animal. She is so wrong, I always have every intention, I’ve been searching this for what? A month and a week now before even suggesting it to her. Maybe that doesn’t sound like a lot but this is hours almost everyday, some days spent entirely on searching. I get what is needed, has she already forgot I’m the one who presented it to her and explained all the workings and time that is required to go into it?

I get what is required, I get I’m not always up to it alone. We’ve talked about this already. Working on something that will help me in the long run is worth it. I’m willing to put all my time and energy into it. I know it’s a lot on your part too, I want you to be as excited and hopeful as I am. Even though I’m also overwhelmed and scared of an outcome that doesn’t work. I stand with my opinion in the argument of how this is different from just pet. On the other hand, hearing her doubts no matter how flimsy makes me start to doubt myself too because I usually see her opinions as level headed so I question my own reasoning. Maybe she’s right? But I’ve done so much research and haven’t found a single person who said “Yeah a service dog didn’t do it for me, wasn’t helpful at all.”.

It’s the same day but later at night and I’ve talked to her more about it and she is on board with me completely. We’ve talked about what breed I think is ideal, we’ve talked about the steps we will start to take to be able to get more money or at least get the ball rolling in the direction of getting a service dog. We had to of  spent two hours discussing it. We had made coffee and sat there drinking it as I talked myself through what I thought was best. Then we ventured outside in the freezing cold to get mail from the mail box. Suffocating as the cold choked us we continued debating breeds. We were on the same page and she saw what I was going on about. I’m glad it worked out like this, now to start getting things in motion.

It’s still a battle I’ve got to say, it’s a long road ahead. Lot’s of time will be taken. At least now I know that I’m not completely alone in this and I feel that anything is possible. I just hope that things will work out in our favor.