There is a long story to why I have the issues I do today. When I started college, I was addicted to counting calories and exercising. So yes, I developed an eating disorder. In less than a year, I dropped nearly 130 pounds and people were accusing me of having anorexia (which is where my anxiety attacks started). I fell into depression my first year of college and was eventually diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. I am not going to get into all of the symptoms I feel, but I am definitely corrupted by these three things. The person I used to be is practically gone. I constantly need reassurance by the few that I have decided to keep around me, I can never look anyone in the eye, I feel like people are constantly watching me, the thought of them doing so makes me duck and cover, and every morning I feel too down on myself to get out of bed. I have gained nearly 100 pounds in the last year because of all of the problems I faced. I am now in charge of reinventing myself around my mental illness and my weight gain. The problem is, I know my anxiety and depression is not who I am. In fact, I am the opposite of what the voices in my head tell me I am, but some days it is much easier to believe them. It’s been a rough journey but I am working on helping myself achieve my degree in college as well as learning how to be more comfortable in my own skin and, in turn, become more comfortable in social settings. I am currently seeing a therapist and I was recently put on medication (after about six months after my diagnoses) but I still see life in this haze that blinds me of the beauty of it.


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