This blog may not make sense but it is time for a good old rant. As can be seen in my previous blog i was happy, i was in a good routine and i could see the light at the end of tunnel…
And then i visit my family. Boo. I go home and as usual, my depression is not seen as a valid reason why they cannot treat me like a slave and do EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING THAT MY MUM WANTS!!!! She goes over the top about everything and insults me by talking about me like im some kind of idiot who is not 20 years old and just sits around and wait for her to make me do the things she wants me to do like fix her computer. I’m prefectly fine with fixing her computer if she just asked me nicely but no, its seen that im to read her and my dads mind the whole time and be able to satisy all their expectations and duties they have when it comes to me. The only reason i came home was to see my sister sing in front of an audience for the first time in memory of our cousin – that was beautiful, im so proud of how brave she is. But as she says its getting closer and closer to the reality that I wont want to come home and visit at all if everytime i visit im seen to be such a disappointment and a failure and most of all a 6 year old child that cant make decisions for herself
This is driving me mad! They got me so riled up that when i finally got back to my flat yesterday, i was so exhausted from the arguing and the pressure that i just collapsed into bed and did not wake up until 5 in the evening today!!!! And now my routine has gone out of the window, i know i will get it back but its so frustrating to try and get back on track when all my parents do is pull me back down. I kow theyre trying to help me but it doesnt as they dont listen and they think that they know how to instantly sort me. ITS DRIVING ME MAD!!!
ahh, that feels a little bit better now