So this page is a great big empty…and I’m not great at graphic arts. Uh oh, what have I gotten myself into? I’ve spent the last two hours touring around, and it took about that long for me to figure out that I couldn’t post because opera isn’t compatible with the site. No one ever said I was brilliant. Using IE is a great sacrifice, but what the hey, something as awesome as a forum for folks with the blues is worth the pain.
So, if anyone actually sees this, who am I? Bet you’re surprised to discover that I’m a person suffering from depression. (Hey, catch that woman who passed out from the shock.) It has been ten years since I’ve been diagnosed, and I’m in the midst of my third official ‘major episode.’ Knowing what I know now, I had at least two others prior to getting help. The disease has laid claim to my job, my home, my dignity, my physical health, my hobbies, and my brown hair (I can feel ’em turning grey on a daily basis. Tempted to name them.). I’m thankful that for the most part it hasn’t claimed my friendships, though I carry a lot of guilt about how the disease has changed them.
Came here because I wanted to fulfill two needs. One of them is to hear, up close and personal, that I’m not the only person in the world suffering. My favorite activity when I feel like crap is to crawl into a hole and close it up after me…and then wonder why I’m the only one in there. The idea of group therapy scares the hell out of me, but I still want to connect with others who’ll know what I’m talking about, and who maybe can benefit from my own experiences with the pain. At least then it’d be useful…
The other is to talk about questions and answers I’ve been finding while trying to understand what is really happening inside my skull through this process. Ever notice how there’s about two pages worth of info that they give you about depression (mostly sponsored by drug companies) and then that’s it? And yet, my experience is that it’s an incredibly complex disease. For example-I always have problems with sleep. Sometimes it’s insomnia, sometimes it’s oversleeping, other times it’s as if I’m from some planet whose day is actually thirty two hours in length…I sleep regularly, but my pattern absolutely doesn’t fit the rest of the world. (Which makes scheduling pretty challenging. Uh, Tuesday…lessee, divide by six and add two, I should wake up at about two p.m….how about Saturday? I’ll be awake at seven a.m. on Saturday.) All of these result from depression, and are recognized symptoms. Huh? So what exactly is that mechanism. I’m hoping that here there are others with the investment in understanding what the heck is going on with us. If you’re interested, pop me a note?
Otherwise, I’m a reclusive person who is damned tired of dealing, but still trying. Some days I’m courageous, others I’m a quivering mass of jelly. There are days when going through the effort of acquiring one meal seems like climbing Mt. Everest…at a crawl. I’d love to find folks who’ve experienced the same things and are willing to bounce along between commisseration, resentment, inquiry, and finding humour.
:shrug: That’s it.
Ooops, I lied. Since this is the first thing I’ve found a way to make work….
Can anyone tell me what activity points are? And what’s that shout box thing? Is there a live chat/IM option? My patience level for making technology work is rather low. That’s why I have an engineer for a brother <g>.
