Well that job didn't work out. That's fine, if they hadn't made me try a programming test that turned out to be a 5 day project for me. I didn't sleep I didn't go out and have fun I spent my memorial day weekend at home working on this. All for nothing. Eff you too…

If anything this is an ego check. I'm not there yet, not for a great job, not for a huge salary. And why should I be? I'm 23 and don't even have my degree yet. But you know, nothing is going to stop me either way.

I can tell I'm definitely a more mature me than I was even just a few months ago. Yeah, I didn't get the girl or the job or any of the "things" i feel I should just have, but I haven't earned any of it yet. Time to buckle down and put in the work and take responsibility. I've messed up a lot, but I'm young, I'm human and I'm not too far gone. I've taken a lot of little bumps and bruises and big ones but I'll see it all through. The younger me would've broken, would've just cried and begged and stomped my feet. Not anymore.

I remember a quote from a TV show from when I was a kid:

"Don't fear failure, believe in yourself and create your own destiny'

I've failed, and i'm willing to admit that I've failed A LOT in my life, and I know a lot of it can't be blamed on anyone but squarely myself. But rather than dwell on it, I want to learn, and move on from it. I need to stop being afraid that failure is coming. it will come at times, but I'd rather try and fail anyway, makes a story at least.