i was wondering if anyone else on here struggles with intrusive thoughts. i have been dealin with them now for longer than i even realized(really since i was a kid and they were really bad then).

but i\'ve been getting them in forms of all kinds lately, and they\'ve been really bothering the shit out of me and making life really much harder than it already is. its bad enough with everything that i already have to deal with(major depressive disorder, anxiety that is through the roof:gad, sad, etc., and much more…along with everything involved in my move: everything is so much damn harder than i expected, but i won\'t get into all that.

all i know that these intrusive thougths are slowly eatin away at my brain. i\'m trying my best to fight them with all i\'ve got. i finally was able to get into a therapist out here in cali and i\'ve realized that these intrusive thougths may be alot more along the lines of ocd related than i ever had imagined. its something i\'ve been really trying to look into lately. it\'s actually got me curious, cuz every "disorder" can affect another one. like if anxiety or ocd is worse than depression is worse and vise versa, so on, whatnot, etc, and whatever.

but yea, i was just wondering if anyone else experience really bad intrusive thougths, cuz i swear, some days i swear that this shit will be the death of me. i don\'t want these fuckin thougths and i know they aren\'t rational for the most part. cuz sometimes you have to realize that gut instincts overule paranoia or something like that. i know what i mean lol. but really, i need for this shit to stop, i\'m doin all i can to see a new psych and get onto some new meds, but its takin forever and i\'m out here makin phone calls everyday sometimes for hours, and as it looks, the soonest i will get to see anyone is i will get to see a social worker for an intake appt. for a psych on july 8th…well, i need to see about adjusting my meds sooner than that. i \'ve got too much to do and i really need to stabilize my mind first.

so if these goddamn thougths don\'t stop soon or if i don\'t get into a shrink soon, idk…i guess i\'ll just keep on keepin on, but it\'s gonna be hard as hell, especially if i have a hard of time getting my other meds prescribed as i did my last med, which is my depression/ ocd med,(which has lost alot of effectiveness lately) and i went today without it. i had to get my role model of a psychiatrist back in ohio who i have\'nt seen for going on a year to call me in a script(he\'s a great guy), but even if i go one day without this med(emsam:maoi…depression patch), i will get really bad side effects.

but i need so bad to get into a shrink to adjust my meds. i want these thoughts to stop. i need to improve on my depression and anxiety, i need more motivation, etc. but i don\'t just depend on meds, i try so many other things that involve therapy, exposure, and so many other things. i\'m the kind of person that needs both. its kinda like damn…i\'m tryin my hardest and i\'m gettin shit on by the "gods". what? the harder i try the harder things get…maybe thats just life. i guess it is what it is, and i just have to deal with it or just start diggin a ditch…i don\'t like to dig ditches! or give in. so idk, i think im done now. i kinda rambled alot there, but i hope my point gets across.

so if anyone does deal with intrusive thoughts, please let me know. maybe we can talk about it.

justin