I am so sick of my OCD – it is so hard to get anything done these days. I have started taking an extra prozac in the am (per my psychiatrist's instruction) It still takes so long to get out of the house each morning. 

I have to wash my hands after I touch, the faucet, the trash can, the cats, the counter, the floor, my shoes, my daughters shoes, the washer and dryer, basically anything. I am worried that everything in my house is contaminated. The only way I feel better is if I clean everything myself and then I am okay until my husband comes home.  I can control what my daughter and I touch and I can wash my hands and her hands but his hands are a different story. I don't know if he just touched the outside trash cans, the deck, the door knobs, the screen doors, the ground. I don't know what is in his truck, or at work, or what chemicals are on the bottom of his shoes.

My husband was nice enough to offer to clean the kitchen for me. I have to look after my 2 year old daughter and I was out running errands with her and taking her to the park, etc. When I came home he said he had cleaned everything. Well, I asked him what he used to clean with? He said this spray bleach in a bottle – Clorox clean – up. Well, I never use that b/c it leaves a residue.  I was also worried as it was a spray did he spray any of the dishes that were on the dish drying rack? Did he spray any of the bananas on the counter? Did he move everything before hand or not? There were also some dirty dishes in the sink. Did those get contaminated as well? I am more worried about my daughters plastic cups than I am about ceramic or glass.  I think the glass in non-porous but the plastic can absorb some of the bleach so I will be worried about that even if I run them though the dishwasher. I guess I will just throw them away.

The other concern is when my husband BBQ's – sometimes he leaves dishes, glasses, tongs, outside. If anything is left out overnight I throw it away and do not tell him. I just buy back-ups of everything in case he asks where a certain set of tongs are, etc.  I am worried b/c we have raccoons around our house that one will come up and lick the tongs, or the dishes and maybe they have rabies and it is then on the plate.  My latest problem is that my husband left out a special wine glass from Germany that I can't exactly replace. I guess I could say I broke it…I am just trying to be rational here…if i wash it 10 times it could be okay….I am just not comfortable putting it in the dishwasher with my daughters cups….I am so anxious over this and one other thing. Over the weekend my husband made steaks, I went out to bring him a plate and he already had one there with cooked steaks sitting on it. I have no idea if he had them out there for 5 minutes, or 10 minutes while he was waiting for the other thicker steaks to be done. It was 8:00 at night and dark out so a raccoon could have jumped up on the rail of the deck, licked the steak and ran away. I am trying to be rational and think if a raccoon jumped up there he would probably take the steak vs. just licking it or my husband would have seen the raccoon but I think my husband came inside for a few minutes to get another beer.  he might have not even taken the steaks off the grill until he was back outside. I have no idea…. I just know I do have a cut in my mouth and maybe I could get rabies that way?  I am really worried b/c I am pregnant and the baby could get it. I really don't want to die either b/c I want to see my kids grow up.  Even if the raccoon didn't have rabies it may have any host of other diseases that could harm a baby in utero. The LMCV virus, or toxoplasmosis….

That is all for today….

Stressed to the max but I need to get back to work,,,,