The following is going to sound really vague i think but i am just writing how i feel and how things are.

I have finally came to the realization that i have been battling depression since god knows when. I am now 26 years old and appear confident, healthy, strong and people always say that i have a bright successful future. As i go through out the day i persevere to maintain this image because i realize that deep down I am ashamed of how i really feel, what it is making me become and how people around me will respond. This is because everyone has their own dramas and i always felt that it would be weak of me to feel this way and so i soldier own until every now and then i break down in my own privacy and shut my self off. Lately however this is happening more and more often. I assume that it could be the symptoms of loneliness but i am scared to invest in feelings because I am not built like that. I am cursed and blessed with great empathy and it is a bitch 🙂

I am a designer and i am good at what i do because i spend so much time thinking about things associated to how we humans feel, behave and respond. But at the same time I could not work out my own problems and this is something that my best friend often tell me, that i am doing a really good job at sorting out other people’s problems. This however brings me joy and happiness for a short while, atleast to fill an empty void thats been growing bigger and bigger. 

So i guess the long winded blog is just to explain this delema that i have, I don’t believe that i should go against how I am but I feel that it is killing me inside.