if only suicidal was an option up there, i would have clicked it. that's not what i want, but sometimes it feels like it's the only way out…. i know it's not though. it just seems and feels that way for me sometimes. this is going to be ridiculously confusing but i don't care because i came straight home and got online just so i can write so i don't do something horrible. yes, i'm that sick right now. i wish i could not be, but the truth is that i am. i don't mind it anymore, it's the truth and i can't hide it. it all seems so pointless.life right now seems soooo very pointless. i just wish none of it happened, i wish i would have never picked up that day last month. imiss my life ! i miss my house and my job and it all. i had another interview today….. i got a job, just not the one i wanted. the interview was long and very personal. i got a job doing to go at applebees. he said he would have gave me a job as a server, but i seemed shy. i had to tell him i don't have a car and that i bum rides and take the bus…. he asked me where i lived…and how long i knew these people…and asked why i traveled so much…. i wish i could have just been like ok i'm a drug addict fucking hippie ok!!! I NOT ONLY DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CAR, BUT I DON'T EVEN HAVE A STABLE GOD DAMN PLACE TO LIVE SO JUST TELL ME TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW!!!! lol but ipretended i was SHY!! i'm not even close to being shy… i'm really deep down not anything anyone thinks i am. i am hiding because i'm scared. i don't want them to know…no one to know how confused i am and how i got this job making shit money and how i should just go to mc donalds and work because i can at least walk there….man, you'd think i'd be happy huh. no i hate society i hate it all. i want to run so far away off the planet. i start on sunday morning…a day after kristin gets home from rehab…and i don't even have enough money to buy my clothes for work… i'm not even sure if any of this is worth it? i feel like a piece of crapppp. i have been cleaning this house and allll blah and i'm so emotionally disturbed. i just want to go back to sleep. im supposed to go to a meeting here in a few, but i don't feel like people staring at me and i don't want to leave the house because the fuckers downstairs selling dopehave their door open? okkkkkkkk. i'm not exactly sure what im supposed to do anymore. god help me =(
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Alcohol Is A Drug
Christel, , Addiction, Addiction, 0
Good Morning Family, I hope all is well in your parts of the world today. I attended a wedding...
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just keep swimming….
delane1, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Child, Therapy, 2
i really dunno where this one’s going, but i do know i’m increasingly frustrated, still. This morning, already, i’ve...
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The Pace Of Things
AlexSophia88, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Grief, PTSD, Questions, Therapist, Therapy, 0
So, things seem to have halted for a bit. My roommate is back from his month-long work trip and...
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I have a question
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, 0
i can tell that some of you come here and seem to be writing a journal in stead of...
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“We are not saints…”
kater, , Addiction, Anxiety, Questions, Spirituality, 0
From How it Works: No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these...
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Do you know me? Really? My story
CharlieG, , Addiction, Addiction, Child, Forgiveness, Grief, Parenting, Questions, Religion, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, Weight Loss, 1
The hardest part of God's forgiveness, is our ability to accept it. While I have accepted, with unbelievable gratitude,...
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Day 1 (Is 'Tempted' a mood?)
tedders78, , Addiction, Addiction, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 0
It is the first day of this new road I've chosen. The difference this time is that I have...
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Addicts and Alcoholics Continue To Use Not To Get High but Due To Fear of Withdrawal
JanWSOS, , Addiction, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
A recent research study utilizing rats, summarized in ScienceDaily for November 07, 2013, concluded that the reason rats continue...