I am angry. I am disgusted and angry. And I have to let go of it because it is not healthy. My husband and I have been working hard at recovery and it's been a struggle the last few months, especially for my husband. His Dad died in May from and alcohol and drug related death. Soon after, a good friend died from an overdose. All the while he has been struggling with his own sobriety and it has been hard to see close one's die of the disease that is/and can potentially kill him. For him I think he's finally come to that moment of desperation and is doing everything he can to recover. And it's been a long time coming. Anyways, my problem is with his Mother. She helps us tremendously, watching our son while I am working. She is obsessed with our addictions and constantly questions us about our recovery. I don't have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is her trying to tell me and him what to do. She always uses the example of her getting clean a few years after she had my husband and never going back. Well, this woman didn't really get clean she just replaced on drug for another. Alcohol. She's in complete denial that she has a problem, but the rest of the immediate family realises, including her husband but has never really said anything. She's a drunk, and I know 'cause I'm one too. On top of all this, she is having an affair with a man she has been seeing when she was seperated from her husband two years ago. She never broke it off, and whenever her husband is out of town on business, she disappears and is not anywhere to be found. Than when he get's back we are all supposed to get together have a family dinner and Billy and I feel like we are lying because we know about this guy, even though she doesn't directly tell us. This has been going on for two years, and it hasn't really bothered me to this extent until now, when she gets on my husband for lying over the using and she flat out lies to our faces and we know it! It's so uncomfortable. And I feel bad for my father in law. I don't know what her motives are with him, if she feels compelled to stay with him to support her lifestyle (she doesn't need to work or do much of anything) or what, but it puts the rest of us in a bit of an akward postion. And on top of all this, he really loves our son and because my husbands biological father was not a part of our son's life, he has really stepped in and been there for all of us. Now, with another on the way, and knowing the bs that's going on behind his back, it just leaves a bad feeling in out stomaches. Ugh. Has anyone ever dealt with a situation similar to this? It's like a bad soap opera I know. And I've done a pretty good job of not worrying about it. I'm just tired of hearing about what we need to be doing and how to do it from someone equally as messed up, but unaware of their own flaws. It just sucks.

4 Comments
  1. jefwheels 11 years ago

     Wow – That does sound like a soap opera. Recovery is at times that hardest thing we will ever do. My sponsor always said to me “Just do the next right thing” but the right thing can be very very hard at times. People that love us that did not hold us responsible did as much damage as the drugs did. They allowed us to stay in denial that much longer. I loved my drugs at one point and yet they were the very thing killing me. I had to let go and put a lot of distance between us. There is a question asked often in the rooms of recovery “What are you willing to do?”  I will pray for you and your husband. Just remember that no matter what don’t pick-up.     

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  2. lmb 11 years ago

    You should just say ' we will do our own program  in our own way. If she gets mad, that is her problem. For your program must come first. Remember you can not fix her. only you. You may have to decide to distance your self for now. She is feeding off you. Your kids depend on a healthy mom and dad. With her you are not healthy.

    God gave you the means of a new life hold on to that no matter what.

    lmb

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  3. jjrocksarizona 11 years ago

    snow, it is time to put your recovery foot down. leave the baggage behind you and get out of God's way and let him work in your life. i have not hear from you for a while and i hope this will help motivate you to do what is needed to become healthy in recovery again. we are all here when you need us.

     

    NA hugs,

     

    JJ

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  4. Snowbird 11 years ago

    Thanks everybody for the comments. I just needed to get it out. It was really bothering me that day since my mother in law had also skipped out on babysitting because she was hungover. But, I skipped out on life for about two years when I was using bad and wasn't there for anyone so I should probably remember that whenever I start becoming judgmental. I just had to get this out.

    It has been a better week and work has been busy and I have been busy spending time with my little family. Thanks for letting me vent guys!

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