This is my first time reaching out. I’ve always wanted help but I can’t ask for it. I’m a secret addict. I’m addicted to adderall and vodka. I’ve been addicted to adderall for almost 10 years and vodka for about 4 years. I don’t stay up for days or anything like that. I don’t start drinking when I wake up but I’m still an addict. The longest I’ve gone is a month sober. Nobody in my life has a clue. Not even my significant other. He knows I like to drink by doesn’t think I have a problem. I often hide the amount that I drink. I have a high tolerance. I will combine the two for a few days to a week and get fed up and become sober for about a month. I love being sober. That’s when I’m my happiest. But all of a sudden I become overwhelmed with the daily duties of being a mom/wife. I try to keep my house tidy, keep kids on top of school, cook healthy meals and make sure everyone takes their vitamins. I rescue animals when I can. All of this becomes too much for me so I revert back to adderall for extra energy. It always leads to drinking vodka. It’s been 4 or 5 days. My chest hurts and I’m extremely depressed. I know it’s going to be hard for the next few days. I have to get used to “normal” energy again. I’m scared. I don’t want to die but I don’t know how to stop for good. Any advice is welcome. am I the only addict that works this way? My whole life is a secret and it makes for a lonely life.
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