well it's the 2nd thanksgiving without my dad. it's really hard still even though it'll be two years this coming may that he passed. plus on top of all that my dog of 15 years passed away two days before thanksgiving. i've never had to witness that before and it was horrible.  i was so hoping she would pass in her sleep but it totally didn't turn out that way.  i ended up collapsing in the floor when i realized she was gone.  i know it's just a dog, but she was the one constant thing in my life for the past 15 years who would always love me and listen to me and comfort me no matter what i had to say or what i did. Nala was a daddy's girl too. My dad trained her and took care of her a lot up until he got really sick. It's like everytime i close my eyes i see my father on the gurney in the emergency room and now i see Nala and how she was before she passed. i feel like my mind is never going to be at ease or feel rested because i'm constantly having these wondering thoughts. When my ex boyfriend and our friend was burrying her all i could think about was oh my god they are burrying her alive and that's all i keep thinking…even though i know it's not true because my ex reassured me but still it's still in my head and i hate it.  I ended up taking some tramadol that the vet had given Nala and i'm finally up to 200mg of anafranil and i ended up sleeping a lot today.. i didn't want to think about anything. my unemployment is going to end soon and i'm scared. With my mom's help i'm going to file for disabilty again. I've only told one person about it so far. I have yet to tell my ex. I'm afraid of what he'll think but i know he'll find out in due time.

i'm ready to get off this ride

5 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    I know when something happens on a holiday, you never for get.  John Kennedy was killed on Now 22, when I was a young school teacher with young children. For the entire weekend, there was nothing in except emerging details on the assassination. I got very depressed and remained in a perpetual headache.  I still get the headaches, to this day, when the time gets close. Tradgey that makes an impression, never quite leaves, there is always a shadow of it. lurking around the corner.

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  2. iheartink 12 years ago

    i checked with my pharmacist and he said that humans could take them. it's just a general pain pill. Our neighbor is  breeding her dog and has already said we can have one of the pups. i thought i was excited but i don't know now. i guess for some reason i thought my dog would live forever

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  3. priscilla 12 years ago

    Hello, It sounds like you have been through alot lately.  I am sure it is hard to not be with your father especially around the holidays.  Just know that he is watching over you though, and you are never alone.  I have a story that hopefully will help.  When my grandmother passed away in 1997, I was devastated, and missed her so much.  Over time, I have come to peace with it, because I know I will see her again, and because I know she is watching over the family.  The reason I say this, is my sister in law, who often has visions and things happen to her she can't explain, saw an image of her when she first met my grandfather at Thanksgiving at her house.  When we introduced my grandfather to my sister in law, she said, "So this is your grandmother" and then corrected herself. Later she told me why she said that.  She said she saw an image of a woman standing kind of behind my grandfather, as if she was watching over him.  It distracted her so much that's why she said Grandmother.  When she saw a picture of my grandmother, she said, "That's who I saw".  It was comforting.  Also, it is very hard to lose a pet, who is family also.  I have gone through that with my dogs, Ben, who was a yellow lab, and Sam, a beagle mix. I felt the same way you did, like, this can't be, why, and just cried myself sick.  When we were burrying them, I felt the way you did too, but my husband was reassuring and said, "They aren't there anymore, it's just their shell, that housed their soul, they are with God now and don't have anymore pain."  I also have a story about them that gives me goose bumps–a couple days after we had to bury Sam, (he went a year afer Ben did)–I heard the familiar sound of the door banging open like when they would come running in from outside, I got up and one of my cats, even looked puzzled and looked at the door.  There was no wind, and I tried to recreate it, but it would take force to make it bang like that.  Then, my husband was in the kitchen, and he heard the sound of Ben's nails on the floor, and he actually had to look to see because it was so distinct.  We both cried tears of joy, and knew they were saying we're ok, we are together now, and trying to comfort us.  I hope this helps out, and if you ever need or want to talk, please feel free:)  Sincerely, Priscilla

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  4. Allyssa 12 years ago

    Hey girl. I completely understand what you're doing through. I just want to encourage you and let you know that you're not alone. My mother passed away two years ago, too. I still to this day have images of her being put in a body bag ( even though I wasn't there when it happened) With that said, Sometimes those thoughts do come up, and it's hard. I wouldn't say that is you're OCD though, thats a normal part of grieving; however the OCD doesn't really go well with grief, unfortunitely.

    As the years go by, things will go better. i'm sorry if you've mentioned this before; but have you gone to theropy for this at all? I started going this past week, and seriously after the first session, I already felt better. If you haven't, I would encourage you to go. Even though it doesn't help with the missing our parents thing, it does help with learning how to move on without them here.

    If you need anything, or just someone to talk to..I'm totally here for you. hang in there missy.

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  5. tpmnight 12 years ago

    Sorry that this has been such a rough week for you. I know how hard it is to lose a dog. We lost Zeus on New Year's Eve two years ago. It was a very hard thing to move past for me. And it must be doubly difficult for you, with memories of your Dad and Nala all tied in together. We're all thinking of you.

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