Welp, guess I'm bored…I haven't really shared a blog here in sometime, I mostly like to read what other people write, I've been circling between anxietytribe and depressiontribe for about 6-7 years…I used to write a lot but I got an overwhelming amount of no connection that I just stopped sharing so much…also I realized I was just beating a dead horse into the ground expressing my depression all the time…I read all my blogs and it just got me sad…obviously I felt I needed to write, it was a way to vent but at the same time it taught me that it doesn't have to mean anything to anyone. So over time I tried expressing myself in different ways, expressing my thoughts on all types of topics and for the most part it felt satisfying but even that had its flaws, there's different reasons for writing anything at all and its interesting to look back overtime and see where you were in your mind at a particular time, what you were feeling? how far have you grown since? was there a point to all the banter?….and there's pros and cons but I was either sad, bored or angry, I was rarely happy!…and that's what bothered me, I would rant like a mad man about the same things over and over and over!…and eventually I saw the habit and weighed if it was healthy and I just started to experiment with new ways to find peace….which lead me to be more quite and I cant say my depression is better, I still struggle constantly but I have a better grip I suppose…just every so often I feel to write down what I'm thinking and I like to share sometimes…before I even start writing I have this feeling of why? what does it matter?..if people cared how would I know? and would I believe them?…I'm afraid to connect…it feels odd to even try…feels like I'll look back at these words and delete them like i do most blogs. I Just feel empty…writing doesnt seem to do anything but occupy my mind for a brief period of time…it becomes this visible reminder of a decision i made to express myself once…and what real worth is that? yet I still do it…lol
I'm messed up…