The weekend was ok. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be. I fought with my bf on friday morning because I just wanted him to come home and he wanted to stay out until 7:30 in the morning (mind you we hadn’t slept since 11am the day before.) I have troubles sleeping without him because instead of curing any issues I had I just put a band aid on them. I can sleep because he’s there. I don’t self harm because he’ll get mad. I don’t stay sad because showing it is me trying to manipulate people around me. I only hurt myself those few days because I was convinced it was over and I was going to get away with it. Now I’m just trying to hide it. For some reason I’ve taken a mental note of what takes longer to heal and what’s most noticeable. I’ve gotten into the habit of strategically placing my elastics again so my sleeve doesn’t slide to high up except its a little different now. I wasn’t expecting him to want to touch me again so I wasn’t thinking about having to undress around anyone. I’ve just left an elastic at my elbow and don’t let it come off that arm when we do anything and somehow it’s easier to hide it while changing then I thought. I mean maybe be knows and just really doesn’t care that much for me anymore I mean I’m sure I broke him somehow.

I like how I said the weekend was good then made another sad post I’m sorry guys. I did have a good weekend. We went to laconia for the end of bike week got matching shirts and I got a bracelet and some patches for when I finally buy my leather biking jacket. The ride destroyed my ass but it was so pretty and so worth it. We had a great time there and we are thinking about traveling state to state on the bike now.