Who are you?
I don’t even know where to begin with you anymore. Every day is a game for you and you seem to transform into several different characters just to get through the day. Why do I seem to feel angrier at you every single day? Who are you? You act like a dull painting on the wall that never gets any sunlight. You love to give orders but hate being told what to do. Any time someone is brutally honest with you, instead of realizing your faults, you just sulk for the rest of the day/night and continue with your ways. Who are you? Who is this person I call my mother? Who is this person that thinks her children owe everything to her b/c she dedicated the last 22 years of her life to them? Who is this person that chose to be a stay-at-home mother, and had everything handed to her on a silver platter? Who is this person that has depended on her husband for everything, and still feels ungrateful for everything she’s been given? Who is this person that became addicted to gambling 10 years ago and lost double-digit thousands of dollars and never paid it all back? Who is this person that is more interested in looking young like her daughters, rather than dressing appropriate to her age? Who is this person that so selfishly holds on to friends she hasn’t seen or heard from in over 30 years, and refuses to let go of the past? Who is this person that forces her children to believe in religion and going to church just to make herself feel good? Who is this person that has become so lazy, that she complains about doing chores but won’t even look for a job? Who is this person that feels she is entitled to money that she hasn’t even worked for? Who are you? What kind of mother have you become? Who is this person that has shown us how weak of a mother she really is? Who is this emotionally fragile woman I call my mother, a person who thrives on sympathy, but is blind to her own imperfections?
What are you doing?
Why do you keep playing the victim card? Why do you always make your children feel bad if they don’t do what you tell them? Do you know what it takes to survive? Do you even know what you want anymore? Why don’t I have any sympathy for you anymore? Why do you make me so angry every time you speak? How can you advise your daughter to secure her finances before entering a marriage, when you had the same opportunities I had, but chose a different path? Why do you still feel you have to endure the same verbal abuse and suffering your mother endured? When are you going to realize money doesn’t grow on trees? When are you going to stop spending my sister’s hard-earned money just b/c dad has put a limit on your spending with his money, and for your own personal expenses? Why the heck do you keep getting your hair coloured? Who are you trying to impress with your looks? When are you going to realize you have your own addictions? When are you going to realize that you are horrible with finances!? When are you going to realize that you don’t know how to budget or stop spending so much money! When are you going to realize that if you ever left, then you would have to depend on another man just to survive? When are you going to stop gambling, buying lottery tickets and those stupid scratch cards? When are you going to show some remorse towards what you’ve done? When are you going to realize how much damage you’ve done to your children emotionally through your brainwashing? When are you going to stop talking badly about your children’s father in front of them? When are you going to realize that no one cares to hear your sob stories anymore b/c you deserve them for the way you’ve been acting lately? When are you going to realize that we are your children and not your therapists! When are you going to stop making your children feel sorry for your failed marriage and mistakes? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOUR CHILDREN CHOOSE BETWEEN THEIR PARENTS!!! When are you going to realize that just b/c you go to church, doesn’t make you religiously correct? When are you going to realize your children have emotion problems due to your marital problems? When are you going to realize your family is worth more than having friends or your own selfish needs? When are you going to start focusing on rebuilding your family back together? STOP BEING A VICTIM AND LEARN TO BE A SURVIVOR! Why don’t you act like a mother anymore? Why do you act like a child? You’ve been spoiled and need the rug pulled out from underneath you. You don’t understand the reality of finances. You don’t learn from your mistakes ever. You refuse to grow up and accept your responsibilities. You don’t show enough respect to get it back anymore. You don’t know how to teach others about values b/c you lack at having any yourself. You have shown us that you would not be able to survive on your own. Why in the world would you ever tell your children that you don’t know what to do about your marital problems or how to fix your life anymore? Why can’t you stand on your own two feet anymore? Why do you act like there is so much money to spend, when you don’t work or understand what it’s like to be the breadwinner to support a family of seven, a mortgage, 3 vehicles, debt and bills?
What are you going to do?
You’ve lived like a queen for so long that you don’t remember what it’s like to be an average person. I wish there was a cure, but you’ve become a lost cause. It doesn’t matter whether your husband tells you, a stranger, or even your own children… you just don’t get it! Nothing has stopped you from finding a job, but your own comforts. What kind of life do you expect? I am so damn sick and tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE! I want nothing to do with it. You are equally at fault as dad. I have become weak because of you. When are you going to stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on what you have been given? When are you going to do something about the situation you’ve put yourself into? Why won’t you take responsibility for what you’ve done? Why do you care so much about what other people think yet judge others based on first impressions? When will you start buying healthy food and cooking healthy meals instead of the crap you keep buying!? When will you stop making me feel guilty if out of my own conscious mind chose not to do something? Why would I listen to anything you have to say about life or relationships when you can’t even handle your own? When are you going to be a mother we can look up to? When are you going to see that there are resources out there if you are willing to seek the help? When are you going to wake up and figure out how to get the answers, rather than just guess? When are you going to start living your own life with better values? When are you going to do what’s best for everyone and not just your own selfish needs? When are you going to realize how lazy you’ve become? When are you going to understand that dad could lose his job soon? When are you going to realize that dad has gotten pay cuts, and can’t afford for you to keep spending so much money all the time! When are you going to stop using my sister’s money! Who the heck does that? Just b/c she has money and is getting money from the gov’t for mother’s assistance, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it b/c you helped watch her child during the first year? You said you wouldn’t take money for watching him, yet have made her feel guilty enough to allow you to keep spending her money b/c you don’t have access to dad’s finances anymore. What the —- is wrong with you? I seem to hate you more and more for every penny you spend of hers. You are so selfish and greedy. You get jealous at what other people can afford, but fail to see you have a big family and can’t afford all the riches in the world. Get off your butt, do something about your life and stop complaining and making everyone else miserable with your complaints. If you hated your childhood so much, then why would you allow your children to be put through the same emotional damage you had? Why are you making your children suffer for their parent’s problems they way you had to? When will you stop living through your children’s lives just because you had to grow up at an early age? When will you just be happy for your children, rather than make them feel guilty if something is not to your standards? When will you do something about your marital issues rather than just waiting to see what your husband will choose? When will you realize you can’t always be in control of everyone and everything? When will you stop acting like its okay to pretend like everything is fine? When will you realize how depressed your children are? When will teach your daughter how to be a mother to her son, instead of letting her repeat the same mistakes over again? What are you going to do? What are you going to do to make your children’s lives better? What are you going to do to make everything right again? What are you going to do about your life, your marriage and your family? How can I make you see my perspective? How can I or anyone else make you understand? When are you going to think for yourself and plan for the future of your family? All I want is for you to keep your marital issues to yourself, and to start being a mother, rather than a victim struggling with the idea of being a mother. Why do I always have to feel responsible for your actions, and for taking the blame to your actions? I’m your daughter, and shouldn’t have to act like a mother to your own children! I shouldn’t have to defend you. You should be defending yourself. Stop lying to yourself, and be honest with your feelings rather than using what your children say/want as arguments in your marital downfall. What are you going to do to be my mother and not just a stranger who only acts like my mother when it is convenient for her?