Hey,

It’s been a little under two years since I posted on this forum. I miss it. I met so many beautiful people with interesting stories on this platform and I thought I would pay it a visit once again for a life update.

I am in college now studying Chemistry (which is proving more difficult than I would imagine) and now fairly regularly go to therapy.

For anyone wondering if going to college improves your relationships with your parents, I am here to say it absolutely does. Before I came to college, my parents and I living in the same space and constantly disagreeing was so draining, so when I went to college, my parents and I got so much more space and time away from each other that it actually helped us get closer. Honestly, it doesn’t solve all problems, but the sense of autonomy is absolutely unrivaled. I now do things that release my stress like taking walks and going to the gym. I have found myself in leaving my home, and it feels liberating.

To be honest though, I still sometimes get lonely. Like I know I have resources here that will support me, but I still feel pathetic and lazy sometimes. There are times when I playback those words my mother said about me when we were fighting and sometimes I believe them. What if this is all a distraction from who I really am? What if I’m not really a good student/person/daughter? Who am I? I moved to a state where I had no family and friends and it makes me realize how truly alone I am here. No one I can completely count on. I have good friends, but I will never have the insurance of them being family (if that makes sense). Everyone here has family and childhood friends and it makes all my relationships feel disingenuous. That sort of thing makes me feel that I don’t belong here anymore. Thoughts like those were much more prevalent and pressing at the beginning of the first semester of college when I first got there, but now that I have settled a bit they have definitely gotten less aggressive.

Another thing that I am still working on is feeling bad for myself. I am still trying to figure out how to stop. I hate when I have pity parties for myself.

There are more things but I’m short of time now, but thanks to everyone for listening. I want to continue to use this platform because of the understanding and intuitive people on here.

Thanks 🙂