Here I am again sitting in bed, still stuck with the same parts I was born with. I’m fourteen but that doesn’t stop me from not feeling weird. Maybe I’ll dream of what’s it’s like to be a real boy and called Alex by everyone. Maybe people will listen to me when I tell them I’m transgender, maybe they’ll realize how much of a deal it is. I can’t help but fall into the hole I’ve created for myself. Maybe when I hold my friends hand they’ll stop calling me a lesbian, but rather a guy trying to help his pal out. When any other pair hold hands they’re known as friends, but people have seen me kiss girls as a girl so I’m immediately called lesbian. I’d much rather be called gay, but guys don’t even want to hang out wit me because they knew beforehand that I was biologically female. I hate the breast and the vagina, if I could I’d snap my fingers to get rid of them.
Maybe when I finally get to high school kids will hang out with me, perhaps even think I’m a guy for at least a little bit. Maybe my boyfriend and I will still be together and he’ll still love me like he does now. Maybe people will finally accept me. I just want to feel accepted and called by the right name. Should I secretly come out as trans to everyone and make sure the school won’t tell my mom? I just want to be in a place were my kind is accepted.
I hope High school will be okay, I still want to grow up to become a lawyer or go into performing arts, maybe I can continue to direct plays like my middle school one. Maybe I’ll finally be accepted. I want everyone to know what it’s like. I want every child at my school hear what I have to say, yet the principal who says she likes me won’t even let me make a video to show the students. I want them to listen, to hear, to know how what they say affects the people around them.
I want to be that one kid in the pride parade that goes up to protestors and tell them how we should be able to be what we want. I want to hear them tell me it’s sinful, because I already know what they’re gonna say. If being gay and trans truly is sinful then I’m prepared to party with the devil because I didn’t choose who I am. I am me and I just needed to figure out who that was. So fly little bird, fly. As long as you keep flying and dont fall you can go far.
-Your friendly fourteen year old supporter,
Alexander
Heres some advice from the local lesbian
1. Its way too risky to come out “in secret”. School staff tend to be unpredictable, and they are obligated to tell your parents anything involving you, including your coming out process.
2. As for finding a place where you belong, high school can either be your heaven or your hell. As a freshman, I can tell you that for me it’s been hell. However, there’s this club in my school called GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) where people of all identities go. I hope your high school has that, because that club could save your ass.
3. Lastly, all I can tell you is to have hope. Even though I’m not transgender, I know full well that trans kids have the worst time in school. They’ve been known to get abuse by their peers depending on the school, and have a higher suicide rate because of severe bullying. But judging by this blog, I can tell you’re strong and brace and can conquer anything.
Alex, my man, I hope this helps.
“If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” -RuPaul
I understand the anxiety of it all, hoping that you’d be accepted by people. I will say that people in high school in my experience tended to be, Good, Passive, or straight up douches. But hopefully you’ll be able to be you. Besides people should be them. And while I myself may not be the best at it. Considering I’m dealing with some similar circumstances, for lack of a better term. But you’ll most likely find people that accept you. Highschool tends to be bring in all types of people. Whether they be good or bad. And on the fact of dealing with issues of wanting to come out. Understandable one of my guy friends isn’t out to his family about being a guy. But Hes out at school and is happy. And I myself am not out to a majority of my family, with only my mom knowing ( About my sexuality, not the gender stuff ). And me being out at school. But that’s just me. You do you, live out loud and proud however you want since this is your life live it. Live it to the fullest, that you want it to be.