Hello there. First blog. Recently I have fully accepted that I am pansexual. I wasn’t planning on telling my parents for a while, but I met someone I really like – A transgender woman.We have a date on Friday.
Even though I’m happy knowing who I am, there is this “Oh S***” moment when I realized I would have to come out of the closet.
A little about me, I will be 21 in a few weeks. I live at home and am currently unemployed due to my health issues. I was diagnosed with bawically a blood clot in my brain. It causes spinal fluid fo put pressure on my brain which then gives me constant pain. So I’m stuck for now.
I know they say not to come out if you are still dependent on your parents, but I don’t know how long I’ll be here. What if it is a few more years? I don’t want to hide my (hopefully) future girlfriend. Plus if I continue dating her, the more I will be lying and digging myself into a hole. It will be even harder to tell them.
My mom can say some comments here and there, but is supportivie of other people under the queer umbrella. My dad, however, is stuck in the 70s. He doesn’t understand it at all. He is your classic middle-aged, stubborn, stuck in his ways white dude. He has changed recently though and has gotten a little bit better thanks to family drama.
I’m planning on telling my mom first, so she can help me figyre out when a good time to tell my dad is. He is going through some family battles in court, so I can’t tell him now.
Should I tell my mom in the next few days? Especially with me starting to date? I don’t want to hide my girlfriend and act like we are just friends. I want to be a normal (well not that kind of normal) couple.
Like I said, I won’t be moving out any time soon. What should I do? Please help me. I am desperate.
Hi, thank you for posting. Coming out is a scary proposition at any time. We tend to worry that the people closest to us will not accept us, and this can stop us from accepting ourselves, which can affect all of our relationships (family, friends, significant other, etc) I am 46 years old now and I came out to my family when I was 15 or 16. Even though I had supportive parents, I was still terrified to tell them. I told my mom first, maybe because, stereo-typically, straight women tend to be more open to LGBTQ issues than straight men are. She told me that she had thought I might be gay, which shocked me. And even though, at first, she had trouble with telling people outside the family that I was gay, eventually she came around. We had good communication and so every time she told someone I had a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, I talked to her later about it, telling her how she was hurting me, even if unintentionally. The important thing to remember, is that sometimes, our parents may need time to process the information and may not have a great first response, but if you feel like you have a good relationship with your mom, and good communication, then it sounds like you would be able to open the dialogue that could eventually lead to acceptance on her part. As for whether to tell your mom first before your dad, it sounds like your mom might be more open to it than your father, and so telling her first might be a good way to go, especially if she can help you figure out how to broach the subject with your father. Of course, you are the only one that can truly know how open your mom might be, and you know what kind of a relationship you have with her. I offer this advice as just that. If you have any questions about anything I’ve said, please don’t hesitate to contact me!