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So I’m normally more active on here but this week has honestly been like shit. In many ways.
The summer program I’ve been doing for a while has been super fun, but then Wednesday happened. The kids were super hyper and were completely acting up. That took a toll on me. Big time.
And then Wednesday my stepmom and dad starting fighting, like normal. And then my stepmom took all her anger out on me by yelling at me and blaming everything on me.
She apologized but she shouldn’t have to because it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
And then Thursday, the kids were super bad. Like punching each other, running out of the room, just not good. And then I got yelled at when I got picked up.
I then had a breakdown in the bath because it was so much for my brain to comprehend.
I don’t think my antidepressants are helping so that’s just wonderful.
Today (friday) I left the program early because if I stayed any longer I would’ve broken down. Immediately. I felt so bad because the kids love me and I love them but I just couldn’t.
It’s just so hard trying to live and make e v e r y o n e happy all the time.
Thank you for reading, have a good day to whoever reads this
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Hi there. First off, I don’t think you should judge whether your anti-depressants are working based on this week. What I read sounds like very justifiable emotions in response to very stressful situations. Anti-depressants aren’t supposed to numb a person or turn off normal responses. They’re supposed to make it easier to regulate those emotions. But you know your own body and your symptoms, so if there’s stuff you didn’t go into, then just take what I said with a grain of salt. 🙂
I’m a mom, and I know I’ve made mistakes with my son. It feels crappy to know that. Especially because my mom made some really, really bad mistakes with me. Parents are human and we’re all bound to make mistakes at some point, but it sounds like your step-mom routinely takes her frustrations out on you and that is NOT okay. I wish I had some advise on how to change her behavior, but you may not be able to do so. The fact that you recognize it’s not right, though, is the important thing. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
And on top of that, you deal with kids? Voluntarily? LOL! Seriously though, kids are exhausting! Even on a GOOD day they can be exhausting. And if they’re acting up? I remember some tantrums my son had that sent me reeling – and I only have the one child. A room full of them, acting up?!? Please believe me when I say that the fact that you made it through that day without snapping is a testament to your patience! And you removing yourself today, once you noticed how depleted you felt, shows a lot of maturity and awareness of your limits. Being aware of your limits makes you a much more valuable caregiver because it means you will be less likely to repeat the cycle of “crap rolls downhill” that your step-mom seems to be stuck in.
I’m glad you can acknowledge the icky feelings from this week, but I hope you can see the wins I mentioned and let them help you feel better about the week. Hang in there!
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I needed someone to just acknowledge how I feel and just, thank you. I love working with these kids, especially younger kids, like the 2nd graders I’m working with but sometimes, it’s a lot.
Hey, I found this post and went back and ready everything you’ve shared so far. Let me share a few things. I’m 19. I am a step daughter too so I get not loving your step parents. I live in Georgia. I live with my mom still.
It seems like you are really struggling lately. Does your step mom never do anything but scream at you? Like does she not ever talk to you, or take you to do special things, or buy you things you ask for? Is it always just screaming and belittling you. If so I am so super sorry.
Did your step mom have a reason to be angry with you? Did you break a rule or kick the cat or something? Not trying to place blame but in my experience when my parents fought it was because me or one of my siblings had done something we shouldn’t have. Not that it’s your fault that they are fighting. But in my situation it wasn’t my fault but it was because of me. Learning to understand that I caused their fights brought a lot of trauma to me. I don’t take responsibility for them fighting but I do take responsibility for doing things intentionally that caused them to fight.
I feel like you and me might have a lot in common and maybe have had a lot of the same experiences.
I saw on a precious post that you have two sisters. Do you all share the same parents? My little sister is from my dad and step mom and my brother is from my mom and dad. My mom never remarried so not siblings from her.
My stepmom has her moments. She will go from being great to screaming at everyone. I’ve messed up recently and we’re all still trying to work through it. It’s hard though. So my mom and dad divorced when I was around 2 or 3. My dad remarried. I have a half sister from my dad and stepmom. My mom never remarried.
Does your step mom just scream to scream or is it usually when people don’t listen or get into trouble? My step mom used to scream a lot too. At the time I just thought she was being an ass but since her passing and I started reflecting on my relationship with her I realized that she screamed so much because she worked hard for us and we (my brother, myself, my sister, and my father) just never appreciated that she spent all day at work then all night and most of the weekend cleaning and taking care of us and none of us ever stopped to say thank you or help after being asked five thousand times.
Its mostly because she’s frustrated but sometimes it’s just to scream.
Why is she frustrated? Sorry not trying to be nosey. I’m trying to understand what you go through so maybe I can give you some helpful advice.
She doesnt really say. She says it’s everything but when I get mad and I say I’m angry at everything she doesn’t understand.
It sounds like yall aren’t communicating well. I asked before but think you over looked it, does your step mom do anything kind for you? Also what happened that you got in trouble for?
I got in trouble a lot as a teenager. My step mom always came down the hardest out of all the parents. I hated her for it. But now that she’s gone and I’m in therapy healing from a terrible childhood I see that she was trying to shape me into a better person.
She does good things for us, but when she does bad things it always overpowers the good. It gets confusing for all of us. Even her. My dad and my stepmom come down so hard on me. Not really my other siblings but mainly me. I’m in therapy because I do realize I need that help and it’s been really good for me.
It sounds like you are coming down pretty hard on your step mom. What about your parents?
I used to come down hard on my step mom too. I regret that now. She’s gone and I can never make it up to her. I always blamed her for everything, even things that I knew weren’t her fault. I still blamed her for everything. It ruined my relationship with my dad and sister. I wish things could be different. It is one of the reasons that my dad and sister have nothing to do with me anymore. She’s gone, they won’t forgive me, I cannot do anything to fix it.
I know I come down harder on her but for me, she brought it on herself. She talks bad about my mom and dad and says she’s the only one doing things for us, and so from when I was little ive always thought, “if she is so great then she must be held higher than anyone else.” My family has always had issues, we’re trying to start family therapy but everytime we come home a fight breaks out
So I have been in therapy for about 4 months now and one thing I’ve learned is that the parent saying I do this or that or I do more for you is the parent that you don’t show enough or any appreciation towards. Is what your step mom saying about your parents true? What my step mom said about my parents was always true I just wasn’t ready to see it. My mom would always lie to me and my brother and mom step mom would call her out and it would piss me off. Is it something like that?
My step mom used to do that too. She would say things about ny parents that were true but I took them as talking bad about my mother and father, when in reality they were accurate observations that I wasn’t ready to face yet. I took so much of my anger out on her and all she was doing was trying to give me the best life and the best chances at being successful. I also held her to a higher standard than my mom and dad because she would tell me all the things she did for me so I just naturally expected so much more from her. It wasn’t right or fair. I’m learning now that my mom and dad should have been doing all the things she did. She always made sure I had everything I needed. She would go to my parents and tell them your daughter needs xyz and wait and wait and they never got the things for me so she would do it. We took our 8th grade trip to DC for three days. Neither of my parents made sure I packed anything, they didn’t make sure I had pads or tampons. They didn’t make sure I had shampoo or conditioner or body wash. My step mom was at the store at 10:30 the night before the trip buying everything I needed including a suitcase. At the time I was like yeah you go get that you owe me. Now , I’m like oh she didn’t have to do that, it wasn’t her job. Every time my parents failed me, she was there to catch me. I never gave her any credit or acknowledgment. I just expected her to do what they should have. She was an easy punching bag because inwasnt ready to see that my parents were crap.
I’m wondering if something like this is what is going on with you. Maybe sit and acknowledge what she does for you and maybe you might have a new perspective. I think once you start doing the work you will see things differently and maybe start holding your parents more accountable for their short comings.