Morning all and to others good evening.

On Friday I found out one of my marines Sgt Desforges was killed in Afghanistan.  Hearing of his death caused me to look back on the past two years.  Two years of change and two years of evolution.  I realized something.

1. I've only been HIV positive for two years, yet it seems like yesterday that I was diagnosed.

2. My life has changed so much that I barely recognize it now.  I still miss being in the service, and I miss not being able to be there for my comrades.

3. Not all things in life are fair, however, those that are usually come with a price that should really not be paid in part or whole.

4. After two years, I have come to accept (don't have to Like it) that my family will most likely never talk to me again.  Partialy because of the HIV(mostly) and partialy because of the War.

5.  Being positive doesn't get any easier, we just get used to it and think it is easier. 

6.  I can never have my old life back, stopped trying to get it back after a year had gone by.  But I can make use of the time left to me be it 5 years or 15.

7. And the most amazing thing.  I'm not going to die tommorrow.  While many days I often wish for it in passing, the good news is I'll live– just a hell of a lot differently.

    When I heard the words "I thought you could handle something like this" and "you are just a ghost of the person you used to be, how could you let this happen?"  out of the mouth of Laura, (no longer a good friend, but rather a distant friend) my long time pen pal–I realized how truly ignorant most HIV negative people really are about how this Virus forces change upon you without asking.

Yes it hurts still knowing that there are people out there that loathe and fear me because I have HIV, however, WHO CARES?  I have to live with myself, not them.

.  So as you can see looking back was good in some ways– and in other ways not so good.  But I do know one thing.  There is still tommorrow, Coffee, Milkshakes, lots of tears adn lots of hugs that are still needed and will come on their own accord.  Today  well, today is just starting so I'll see what comes down the pike.  Afterwards I'll look back, but only then.


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