I am always hearing people tell me just how important it is for me to lose weight. I understand that there is a health issue associated with being overweight. The diseases are many: heart trouble, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, stroke and the list goes on and on.

I am also told, mostly by my mother, that if I ever want to be in the company or presence of eligible men (i.e. long-term relationships, marriage, etc.), it is imperative that my weight come off because the majority of men find women who are overweight to be unattractive, homely, unintelligent, undesirable and unwanted.

My God! What a blow that does to my self-esteem. I suppose that must have been one of the reasons my marriage broke down, because dear old husband grew tired of sharing a bed with an overweight wife. It didn’t matter to him that I was loving, sacrificing,  compromising, intelligent and sensitive. What mattered to him is that I took up space by being the way that I am right now. By the way, I filed for the divorce because I was fed up with being treated like crap. If he didn’t like the way that I looked, that was his loss, not mine. Is this true, my male friends? Is this the way you really think about overweight women? Please tell me…inquiring minds want to know!

I have plenty going for me. In spite of my self-esteem issues, I do consider myself very smart and attractive, thank you very much. In the last few years though, that hasn’t shown much because I’ve been battling anxiety and depression (still am)  and the 2 combined is a lethal mix. It does terrible things to one’s self-worth and value and one feels as though they had reached a dead end. That’s why many consider self harm (which I don’t partake of) and/or suicide. Suicide is NOT the answer for any of life’s problems & should never be contemplated by anyone. I personally don’t think that anyone should consider either self harm (cutting), suicide and the like. If you, dear reader, are in the company of those who entertain those options, stop reading now and go seek professional medical help.

Losing weight is a real bitch for anyone who has tried or attempted to try it. I am not making excuses for myself, but unless you try, you will never know how difficult it is to take pounds off, whether for health or ‘cosmetic’ reasons.

I hope that I find the strength and willpower to ‘get well’ (who said that skinny women were necessarily healthy either?), lose the weight, and hopefully gain ranks in the company of male members of the human race who prize their ladies’ weight loss alongside the virtues of true love, intelligence, compassion, and generosity.