I still feel numb and like a zombie…whether it is due to the passing of a DT member, the suddenpassing of Harley or something else, I don't know. I don't really care what the cause is. In the end, all I know is the feelings and emotions are nowhere near positive.
I am supposed to be abstaining from naps but I haven’t been trying very hard…when I am asleep I don’t feel, I don’t brood on all of the s*it in my life, I don’t focus on how weak I am or how I have no one to turn to for physical comfort. I am NOT trying to downplay all of the emotional support I receive on here. If it weren’t for this site I very well may have ruined my family’s lives…The thought of still doing so—in an attempt to end my tumultuous (which has the appropriate meaning when I look it up)—is still very much there.
I am not sure what is keeping me from taking action: my family or the possibility I may fail. I would say my belief in God but that would be stupid. I have been giving God the cold shoulder for the past several weeks, in a defiant sense I suppose. I do feel abandoned, forgotten, overlooked and discarded by a supposed “loving” God.
The title of this blog came to my mind while I was brushing my hair and looking in the mirror…I have detested what has been looking back at me for a very long time. What happened to the beautiful little girl with benevolent brown eyes, angel hair and an out-going personality? She probably died somewhere between the end of elementary school and the beginning of middle school. What is in her place? A young woman who has an abundance of self-hate, distrust in the majority of people and copious trepidations.
I found myself googling things like ways to look beautiful when plus sized, plus sized models, and plus sized clothing…whether this was an effort to increase my pain or not, I haven’t figured it out yet…Fantasizing and my imagination are two things that keep me busy and remotely sane.
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Moncler adult men are more recent and elegant
cheapmonclercoat, , Depression, 0
Collection of each of the European-style, Moncler adult men are more recent and elegant.An smart as well as superb...
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Rhymin and bs'n
justin14, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Grief, OCD, Stress, 0
Sorry if I offend, or if I come off as stupid again. I have serious mental health issues. I've...
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Tripping Billies
SaltWaterDrinker, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Questions, Relationships, 0
Just nipped in to pick up the mail. Did a little tour of the neighborhood, knocked on some of...
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Going back to work Monday
anne1956, , Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Career, Domestic Abuse, Grief, Medication, PTSD, Schizophrenia, Therapist, 1
My name is Anne. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2002, About two years ago, I changed supervisors at...
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Fierce. Grace,
FierceGrace, , Depression, Addiction, Bipolar, Depression, Divorce, Medication, Psychosis, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, 0
I got punted to this site from another bipolar site… I have been there for over a year and...
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Ok, I''m losing it!
Cutthroat, , Depression, Career, Domestic Abuse, Forgiveness, Grief, Medication, Relationships, Social Anxiety, 0
AAAAH!!! Hmmm…where to begin. Now I’m lost. I had so much to say and now…I think I’ve lost a...
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Out of control
OopsDoomed, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, 0
Someone told me that I have a tendency to fixate on my own problems to the exclusion of all...
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Trying to Relax
sadviolinist, , Depression, Anxiety, Therapy, 1
I'm doing a whole lot better today. Thank you all for your support about the situation I'm dealing with...