How do you tell your partner that your mood has been bad enough that you kind of stopped brushing your teeth for almost a week? This was the thought I've been having for a few days, even though I have since started brushing and flossing and whatnot (okay, twice).
"I'm sorry if my kisses were less than delightful lately…"? Should I even bother saying anything, given he'll only worry more than normal?
There's this part of me that takes immense pride in the fact that I am so used to depression and its friends that I haven't really lost any time at work, haven't missed any bills, etc…so having this lack of ability to do something so seemingly simple is staggering to me. It's the one thing, really, that I had the ability to give up on without having larger consequences: I'm diabetic, so not eating or taking my medications could be dangerous; not going to work would cost me my job or make it more unbearable than it already is, to say nothing of causing problems between myself and my coworker(s) who pick up the slack if I'm not there (seldom as that is); I barely do anything else as-is, so I can't really give up anything enjoyable.
So teeth-brushing it is. Or was. As I said, I've managed to clean my mouth two days in a row now.
I keep hoping that once the wedding is done, I will feel better. I don't know what that means, though. I mean, I'm fairly sure it just means I'll find something else to get me down and I'll continue to be stressed out and anxious. I'd love for that not to be the case, but if my own personal history has taught me nothing, it's that I am nothing if not prone to stress and depression and anxiety. As long as I can keep the intense dark void at bay, though…I'll consider it a win if I wake up in the morning on time.