Ughh.

Anyway, I did a half marathon In Louisville last weekend. I showed up 30 minutes late, I didn\’t gage my time well. I stayed overnight in Cincy, Ohio. I live in Cleveland, Ohio. I started the race all by myself. I finished in 6th place out of 624 people in my age bracket. I swear half of the time I was running I was thinking how pissed I am with my bdd and that I was late. My tip time had the final results. I felt invincible.

Anyway the race director was a jerk. And he refused to send me my trohpy/medal. He said its against his policy. What happened between him and I could write about for 12 pages. Anyway, we had some nasty exchanges, but I only got nasty after he sent me a nasty email, how I wasted his time driving 12 hours, and being a "baby" for wanting a cheap trophy. The guy is an idiot.

In one of his emails he said to me, "Talk about a loser-look in the mirror dude. Never seen someone so worked up over a plastic trophy-Not since second grade, anyway"

I did call him a loser, before that. I think its my bdd, but I keep thinking he is making reference to my appearance. Then my cousin said did, he actually see you?? I really don\’t even think he did, I don\’t remember seeing him. He was just the director.

Its so annoying that I am hanging onto this, because I know its my bdd playing with me. But I keep trying to think of way I should make it count. I do get some relief, because I get some relief from one area of my face, but it just transfers.

Also I did post about what happened at the race on another forum, and someone posted I am just a so-so runner. Another jerk. I am starting to question it, and I am not just saying that so people will say I am a good runner. I really have been obsessing for about this all week.

I keep thinking I would be so bad on Jeopardy. I don\’t even like watching, because I am second guessing my anwers as the contestants. Like I want to say it, but "what if" I am wrong??

I think I think too much.  :-/ But I think I see advantages to my disorder, especially with running. I can see where people who struggle with a disorder, can be really good at somethin 🙂

Justin