Had a pretty nice Sunday, but something strange happened early this morning before I went to bed. I was getting ready to move toward my room, when all of a sudden, Mr. OCD decided to mess with me a little more than usual.
Of course, even after completing an intensive treatment program, I still have doubts (OCD-related doubts), that's just something I have to work on not paying attention to. But this particular doubt, I don't know, it was almost like being in my "old mind," where I believed my OCD way more than I should. I almost felt that same powerlessness that I used to feel. I still deal with that powerlessness feeling, but this was different (even more intense). I usually am able to go, "Okay, OCD, whatever," and ignore it, but it almost had me this time. Note I said almost.
After a few minutes of standing still, debating with myself (lol), I finally went whoa, nope. No thank you. Not dealing with this. You almost had me there, but nope. And I went to bed.
I'm glad I just moved on even though I almost felt my OCD had me this time. That was scary, and honestly, I'm a little afraid that it might happen again. I know I shouldn't think that way, but it was a little unnerving. I should probably change my thinking to, "So what if my OCD tries to get at me again. I'll be okay. No big deal. Whatever."
Has anyone else in recovery had this too? I'm guessing the answer is a strong yes. If so, how do you feel about that? What did you do to calm yourself?
OCD aside, it's been a quiet, rainy, dreary day. Good sleeping weather. I slept longer than I should have, but eh! I don't mind. You learn to shift your focus to YOUR needs, not your OCD's needs after a while. You just get tired of your OCD, and feel confident enough to say forget you, OCD, I need to rest, etc.
Say "Forget you!" to your OCD today, guys. Say it every day, and take care of yourself. Starve your OCD. It feels incredibly difficult, I know, but it is possible. Starve it, and it will weaken more and more every day. I believe in you.
Hope you're all having a great Monday. 🙂