I am becoming aware that there may be people here at DT that have nothing better to do than to take their illness out on others.  Attempts to deliberately sabbotoge another persons ability to connect and find healing here seems almost unthinkable to me.

Do some people have illnesses that bring about this type of behavior?  I find those with the highest of walls around themselves too be the least trustworthy.  It seems they have been burned so badly that their sense of reality is warped into causing this great distrust of anyone new.

RIght now, I am willing to trust just about anyone on this site with my true thoughts and feelings.  Unfortunately, I see that wainning as I notice other peoples walls go up.

I know it is healthy to build trust gradually and as an individually sees fit for themselves.  But some here, who portray attitudes of love and concern for others, don’t give two hoots about sharing back.  It’s as if they think by keeping their walls up they are making themselves "Special". 

There is nothing special in not being able to trust people.  It’s part of ones illness and I understand that, but holding onto distrust with pride is not helpful to themselves or others.

Keeping secrets is what kept many of us from recieving the healing we deserved much earlier in life.  I’m not into holding anything back about myself, when it comes to my moving forward with my life.  It’s really the only way I know how to relate with people.

If you feel moved (hurt or disjointed) by my words about distrust of others, perhaps you are one of those who keeps walls up around themselves and takes some sick pride in this.  I think some do this to be mean and to push people away.

I can admit there is this one individual on here that I did this with.  I was the one pushing him away.  I did it because I could see we would never agree on much of anything based on his political view points and his lack of admission of his own illness.  I feel some remorse for this but I do feel that we would have just been at each others throats all the tiime had we attempted to relate.  That, and I wasn’t in a very good place emotionally to be able to be thinking rationale or clearly.  I openly admit to my failing here.  Keeping what I just shared in the dark would only make me less trustworthy.

This is meant to be a place of healing for everyone.  I am going to do my best to be an open book so that people can see I am not out to harm anyone.

There is darkness and there is light, where do you stand?  I prefer the light although I am steeped in darkness.

Love,

Don