Its morning, I seemed to have slept all night. But why does my entire body ache? I feel like I have the flu. I think I slept all night; I don’t remember being awake but I am exhausted.
Today is no different than yesterday – or tomorrow. I am a model for successful women; not quite 60 but well beyond 50, impressive resume verifiable achievements. Poster Woman – Accomplished – Miserable. Can it be I am the only woman who feels this way?
- Body rebellion has overwhelmed me;
- The demon Pain is inside my head, my body – as long as I can remember;
- Start the coffee; finish swift the first rituals;
- Pets fed, swishing chemical capsules and tablets with thick black caffeine, first ounces from the pot;
- Stay the Pain demons from escape today.
- Can I do this one more day?
- I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
- I am profoundly Obsessed with creating, developing & profection
- I Compulsively run scenarios, numbers, situations, etc., in my head
- Compulsive behavior results in paralysis by analysis – not procrastination
- My Pain is not an imagined succession of demons, it is called Fibromyalgia
- I am so unremarkable as to have Undifferentiated Connective Tissue disease
- Pain is an indicator not merely an inconvenience
- Exhaustion means rest now – not upon collapse
- I am not losing my mind when I feel like I am in a fog
- Settlement between my inner adjective and my physical limitations is crucial
- I will plan better, and react less – rinse & repeat
- I am a conundrum