Am I a manipulator? Or am I the one being manipulated? Years of disorders continue to plague my mind and make me question whether or not what is happening is real or just in my head, do I believe what the psychologists have told me and am I in fact Bi-Polar with Personality disorders or have I just been made to believe that I am?

I am not currently on any medication nor am I seeing anyone for assistance because I felt as though I was coming into my own and finally being able to be content and OK. But it seems like the pressures of life are getting all to much again. I am becoming confused as to whether or not I am a bad person or the person I loved continues to play with my highly emotional self, it could be that I just don’t want to believe that he is capable of such things given my prior partners evil ways.

It is a curse that I see the good in everyone, it’s a curse because I am not able to define when it is time to give up on that person or to allow myself to realise that they are doing wrong by me and I don’t deserve this to happen anymore.

When will I ever be able to feel CONTENT or will my life remain a confused nightmare?

On the outside it appears that I have this normal life that a lot of people would so called long for but on the inside everyday I feel like I die a little more, the depression that I thought was gone had simply hidden itself away awaiting it’s chance to make a come back and destroy what progress I have made.

I just want to feel normal for more than a week, a month or even a year but what is normal anymore.

2 Comments
  1. elabella 4 years ago

    You’re not alone. Thank you for sharing your story…

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  2. toddy 4 years ago

    Yeah when you see the good in others I think they will do the same and see good in me. I guess we are all plagued by ‘demons’ (problems) of some sort. some just escape them better than others.

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