I am 52 years old. I have been in two long term relationships that were really loving. Now I have been alone for 10 years. I am still friends with my ex and everyone keeps telling me I am a nice person. When I tell people that I work with that my life sucks and I only spend my weekends alone and depressed no one believes me. They all say things like "I am sure someone like you has a lot of friends and you do all kinds of things". But I don't. I can sit home all the time and no one calls me and I have stopped calling other people because I have come to realize that they do have a life and I am not part of it. Sometimes on Saturdays I take sleeping pills so I can just not be alive for one day and not have to think about think about it. To make matters worse last year I went to Thailand and I feel in love with someone in Bangkok. I went back to see her in February and we had the most wonderful 2 weeks of my life. I even gave her $500 for her birthday in May. I have never done anything like that for anyone in my entire life. Now I don't hear from her anymore. I try to talk to her but she says she is busy. She will send me e-mails once in a while and say that she misses me but I know that it is over. She deserves to be happy no matter what. It is just very depressing for me because I care about her so much and if she told me that she met someone I would be happy for her. I am supposed to be going back in a couple months and I am afraid to buy my plane ticket. I go on dating sites but no one ever expresses interest in me. It is all so depressing because I think I am a nice, honest, caring woman and no one cares about me. Just feeling sad. I will be ok. I have to be.


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