A very good frined of mine holly, is going through hell right now, even if she won't admit it. One of her friend's boyfriend Killed himself, and she was the one who found the body. I haen't talked to her much lately, she has been so busy, but I am so worried about what this is going to do for her state of mind.

Back when I was a sophmore, in high school, I was dating a guy I had known since the 7th grade. He was the popular kid, who had a very rough family life. He and I were great together, and he was a 1st for a Lot of things. I can look back and say, I could have very easily of fallen in Love with him.

Well in Feburary of our Sophmore year, his mom had walked out, and his dad being a police officer wasn't around much, so he pretty much was alone all the time, but he seemed that it was awesome, and that he didn't have anyone invading his privicy and had time to "think" well I guess that "thinking" was not good….

On the 19th of feburary, I remember the day, because it was the day after my grandmother's birthday, I went over his house after church, as I have always done on Sundays, the front door was locked, but I knew where the spare key was….

I walked up to his room, and found his body….He had shot himself in the head, there was blood everywhere. There was a Note, it said only two things. 1. that his mom leaving was the worst thing that has happened to him, and he couldn't take it anymore, and 2  that he was sorry for all the hurt this may cause people.

I was messed up for a very long time, I was having severe flashbacks, my therapist back than, dx me with PTSD, It effected me for a very long time, I had no idea he was depressed, or that his mom leaving effected him so severally.

With what has happened to Holly, has brought back a Lot of Anger that I had back than, that I still have now, its something that really pisses me off. I mean, really, as depressed as I get sometimes, the one thing that keeps me from taking another pill, or cutting a bit deeper, is because I don't want my friends to have to go through what I did, when my boyfriend took his life….

This is just bringing back a Lot for me, and I'm feeling extremely depressed and angry….. *Sigh*