well its two days before i find out if my tumor is malignant or …. i am hopein it is the later and i am worried that i may not wake i/ve never had any type of  body opening lol sugery I am tipsy at 7 am  hell drunk and crying you would think me and my love would be makeing love since we dont know what will happen i dont look sick just a little heavy from water like 5 lbs  but he is just not interested but im abit vain egh lol being very sexual i never had that happen b4 ever and i didnt want to even argue i just wish he would tell me hes not ready to deal with what may cause dammit this was my last weekend i go in on tue and the fucked up thing is this all came about by surprise i wouldnt have known i had this shit on my ovary if it wasent for my G.P thanks dr.P lol

but back to me i have been told im manic a sexual deviant and more but im a good mom my kids never seen me with any one but there dad and ive been seeing my friend for many years i have stopped my swinging ways b4 this but with the thought that i may lose my most important girly parts make me want to screw and create some memories  I like sex I love him and i dont belive in lying  so i told him i plan on screwing someone b4 tue and that i felt like i could have spent this weekend without em and i feel bad cause if he didnt pressure me to speak i would have excuse the pun rode it out  but i cant look at him and my thoughts are like i think ppl will do just as much as you can so would he lie like he is now when im going through recovery? im trying to be open and loving and  trusting and all the stuff my Quack says to be we have a history and we have gotten over it but what about what i want not to be selfish but who knows what will be if i even make it to tue if we make it i just dont want to lay on that table with regrets and i also what a clear slate so if i do have shit to handle i can do it with a clean slate

Thanks for letting me vent