I followed you around to wait for the helecopter, mama, to arrive and get you, I never left until you were in the air….. I took care of everything…… I drove to the hospital once again, an 1hr and a half away. I was escored to security and let through, it was so frighting as there were men lined up every so often pointing the way, the last man wouldn't look at me, i was scared, my heart sunk, i thought you were dead, then…… there it was in the middle of chaos…I heard your voice, I walked up to you and bent down and kissed you with a tear drop on your cheek, i smiled and I never left your side. I was so loud and hetic and i was saying did I make the right decision and it was like God spoke, I heard a voice say yes you did everything right, he's so lucky. You were oncest again admitted. I stayed for awhile then went back home after calling everyone and updating them on your statis, you were in alot of pain, headache, it was a brainbleed. This wasone time out of many I was there for you, how could you, how could you leave me, how could i have saved your life and you walked away without a word, left me in the Mts., with no car, no job, no money , no food, no wood to stay warm, when your dad died I stepped up and took care of all of you…. I lost evrything because I saved your life, my home all of my belongings, car,sanity, hope, life all you left me with is the air I inhale and exhale. Your with someone new you 3 mo's after you left me, someone way younger than us both, will she be there like I was? Will you use her and destroy her like you did me and your x before me? I don't no how to let go of what damage you have done to me, my daughter, son, my family, my mom, you destroyed my mom, hurt her life, I was dumped on her by you. I just want this to end, the fantasys in my head to go away, I want to be rid of you, to move past you, I long for the end of my life everyday because of you, you are a murder of everything good and descent, of love and life.The last and only words you said to me the night you came to pick up your things still torture me constantly.

2 Comments
  1. Di 10 years ago

    Hello. I've benn going to church, but haven't been since Christmas. Thank You.I have applied for Assistance and all I was able to get so far is FS. I have talked to the Anti sucide line in NC, they pulled me through the beginning of the ending of the beginning, but they were blown away by what has happened to me with ech day that passed it just got worse, even they were in despair unable to keep up, eventually I was transfered to Ga., they suck! I was forced to try to re tell my story in which I've become tired of telling, its like being raped put on trail and re living it over and over again. Its done no good to of told my story, no lawyer would help me because there's no money, no ones able to help, that's just the way it is. Ive been told by men that if I prostutite myself then they will help me, I choose not ! I've begged and begged for help. I don't have a cell phone anymore so i can't call the anti sucide line anymore as my mom monitors my phone calls and there's no privacy allowed in this house. My story has just begun in my rants/ blogs, Legh's illness is only part of the story. I'm getting so desperate, i cannot escape this constant hell. Without money or transportation I'm doomed to go crazy ! lol Thank You for your thoughts and prayers.

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  2. Di 10 years ago

    Hello Simi. Unfortunly there is no one ! I haven't finished my story, but while Legh was sick, 6 mos into his illness his father passed away, that was and still is hard, but the worst to come was a few weeks later when the phone rang early in the morning and it was my bestfriends, Diane and Kieth, her name is Diane too.Deep breath……. tears are pouring down my face as i write this…… Diane siad" Shays been in a wreck" that was her daughter, her and I were like mother and daughter, she called me her mom by another womans womb. I said is she ok? full well noing the answer, I was stalling because of Legh, Legh wasn't suppose to be stressed out, we'd already lost his father, things were really bad, I had that scared panicked feeling again, anyway Diane said……………." she didn't make it"  I some how told Legh. but he new just by my voice.  I'm sorry i cannot finish this right now, maybe later. I just can't do this right now, I'm sorry.

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